Seeking Mentorship

"Stumble after me, as I stumble after Christ" -- Marty Caldwell

I'm learning so much lately that community is vital.

Though there are seasons for solitude, I believe that most of the time being alone is not only terribly miserable, but it's dangerous.

We cannot do life alone.

Lately I've been struggling with finding a mentor. I think there are a few reasons for this:
1. I don't have the courage to put myself out there and ask godly women I look up to, to mentor me
2. Mentoring is difficult, and it requires a lot of God given strength and not very many people are willing to take on something that costs them something.
3. People that are willing are fearful. Fearful that they are too big of a screw up, fearful they won't do it right, or fearful they can't do it.
4. I am prideful, and I start to get picky about who can mentor me.

At church we just finished up our Tapestry series. We ended with Generationalism, which basically summarizes our tendency to separate ourselves in the church based on our age instead of integrating ourselves with people in every season of life. This does two very terrible things for the church. It leaves the young wandering blindly, and the old kicking back and wasting away their wisdom that they have collected from their time here in this life.

We all desire to be poured into.
The young, and the old.

I watched as good friend of mine poured out her heart at our community group, breaking down in tears because she felt lost, and rejected and just wanted an older woman to pour into her life. And she wasn't the only one in the room. Many of us felt that way. My heart also ached for her, because the same weight is present in my heart.

I need wise eyes to look at my heart with me
I need words of experience to help guide me into the adventures of my own life, so I am not wandering aimlessly and hoping for the best
I need encouragement, counsel and accountability to help me grow
I need someone to point me to Christ when my eyes shift
I desire to drink of the wisdom, knowledge, experience that women older than me have to offer
And I am not alone
We all need this.
This is why community is vital.

God displays His desire for His people to commune with each other through many means in the bible. His first example being giving Eve to Adam, and my favorite example being the first church in Acts 2, as we watch a community of believers grow, and seek the Lord together. It is a natural longing to the human heart. We desire each other.

So these are my attempts to break free of this confusion and wandering, and my attempts to call forth leaders:

1. I need to grow a pair, and just stick myself out there; ready to be known, and ready to lay it all down. We as young people need to start asking for what we need, and making it loud because often times the older generation does not know our needs. Fear is not welcome in God's love so it's time to be courageous (1 John 4:18, Joshua 1:9). Not only that, but as someone who may not be that old I still have younger hearts around me that need to be poured into, so I need to start stepping up and discipling myself. I am called to disciple too!

2. Hey older generations you need to start stepping up your game, and don't be offended that you are called old. May it be an honor because there is a beauty and wisdom that comes in living a long life. If you are a Christian and you've got some life under your belt, you are called as a wiser generation to pour into those of us that are young. You don't have a choice. Yes it will be hard, and it takes a little work, but this isn't about you... it's about God's Kingdom, and God's glory. (Titus 2)

3. Those of you that fear you are not good enough let me remind you that we all fall short (Romans 3:23). We all sin. We all have crap in our lives, but that's what the gospel is about. It's a humility in knowing that we are not perfect, and cannot be, yet devoting our lives to the cause of Christ anyways and knowing He'll get us where we need to be. There is a beautiful thing called grace, and just because you mess up doesn't mean you can't lead. In fact I would argue that your mess ups are exactly what makes you good to lead (Romans 5:20). Let us learn from your mistakes! Let us have the wisdom you have received by messing up! In order to avoid making the same mistakes, we need to know your struggles too. If you are fearful that you can't do it, or you won't do it right I hope that you remember it is not you doing the work, it's God (Philippians 2:13). It's not up to you to do it right, but it is up to you to be faithful to His call and obedient to the Holy Spirit.

4. My walls of pride need to come tumbling down. The critical eye that I hold is unhealthy. If I am looking for someone that is "good enough" to mentor me, then I might as well call off the search now because I'm never going to find them. There is something to learn from everybody, and that is the beauty in diversity. I am learning that there is actually more to learn and grow from within the imperfections than the perfections. Also... wait a minute... who am I to say I deserve the best? Because what I truly deserve is far from the best. I'm just as bad as everyone else. I need to drink respectfully from the fountain of wisdom that is available instead of being prissy and picky about what fountain I'm drinking from.

When we start living in community these things come naturally, and we don't have to strive as much for them because we will already be sweetly muddled into each others lives. If you have a church that is multi-generational call yourself blessed, and start running with it. There is so much untapped potential waiting to explode. Love each other, care for each other, and lead each other.

I want to leave it on this,

Ecclesiastes 4:7-12

  Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:

 There was a man all alone;
    he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
    yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
“For whom am I toiling,” he asked,
    “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?”
This too is meaningless—
    a miserable business!

 Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. 

We are better together family. Lets start doing this life together.

Tapestry

So as of lately my church has been going through this amazing series called Tapestry. It's essentially a series based on our differences that can either divide us or unite us as the church.

We've talked about a slew of controversial topics that the modern day churches rarely touch on because the fear of losing their body members. We've covered things like race, sex, and will soon cover class, and generation.

As we've talked about it in church, in our community groups, and just in conversation hanging out with friends and church family, it has really got me thinking.

How beautiful is a church body that is immensely diverse? Not diversity for diversity's sake, but diverse because God made us all different and it's beautiful. We live in a culture that tells us to become cookie cutter shapes; that beauty only has one model and one definition, success has only one path and set of standards or goals, and that happiness can only be achieved if you are beautiful and successful. Then we sit here as a generation who cries about wanting to be unique, different, path-carvers, innovative, and noticed but yet we are striving to be the same. These are ugly lies that not only my generation and this world have bought into, but that the church has bought into as well. We as churches seek to make cookie cutter churches across the globe, and strive to be all the same when God intentionally made us different. All Christians must look the same, act the same, and smell the same. Otherwise you're not really a Christian and "who are you to think you know Jesus if you don't behave this way?"

We notice the most segregation in the church, because no matter who you are, you think YOU are right, and the way you do things is the right way to do things. That is in the assumption that there is only one way and one formula to doing things. That's why we have white churches, black churches, latino churches, hipster churches, young churches, old churches, plaid-shirt-wearing churches, baptist churches, pentecostal churches, and even non-denominational churches. I'm not saying there isn't a beauty in how you prefer to worship, and uniting with people that feel the same -- I'm just saying is this simply a worship issue? or is it a division issue? Then I also think about the day that we are all standing in heaven and we are all worshipping together... will we all not like the sound of heaven's worship to our King and prefer a different sound? Is worshipping God not just worshipping a worthy, mighty, all-consuming, beautiful and loving King with not just our music, but our actions, our words, our hearts, our minds, our bodies, and souls? If we are one body why do we stand divided?

I always go back to 1 Corinthians 12

"12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit."

This means not only are we one as a group of believers, but we are one as churches too. We ALL are the body of Christ. So instead of being critical about other churches, we need to change the lenses in which we see our brothers and sisters at different churches, and see them as a part of us -- not separate from us. We need to hold each other accountable, care for each other in our need, encourage one another, and truly just love each other no matter the difference. If we are too busy looking to criticize, and tear down other churches for things like how they worship, how they run a church service, or the kind of people that go there, we are going to miss what God has to show us through our differences.

Christ died to break down the walls that divide us. To me that means what makes us different is what makes us work as a body of Christ. Our different races, cultures, ages, genders, personalities, etc is what makes the body powerful and effective. It gives His hands the ability to work in so many ways. We often times try to rebuild these walls of division and I've seen that by doing this we are stunting the growth and the power of what the body is capable of. We find ourselves isolated and frustrated. We cannot do the work of Christ to it's fullest ability and its greatest potential  if the foot wants nothing to do with the hand (1 Corinthians 12:14-16). We are designed to be unique, and we are designed to be together. To love Christ best is to love His people... all of them. Not just the ones that are like you. Embracing and loving these differences can completely turn your world around in such a beautiful way.

One of my first encounters with the uniqueness and diversity of my own church was taking my first step into my community group for the first time. I was one of two white people in the room, and I honestly was looking for any way or excuse out of this situation as soon as possible. I don't know why, but at the time being in a group of diverse people scared me, and I didn't like the idea of it. My thoughts were, "Oh crap, I'm not going to fit in here.. this just is not my crowd of people." I was quickly slapped in the face by God, and he melted my heart for these people. I still go to that community group 4 months later, and I can't even begin to put into words the amount of love I hold for these people, and how much they have taught me. That goes to show the mighty work that God had to do even in my own heart to get me to a place where I saw diversity as a blessing not an inconvenience.

I am insanely blessed to be a part of the church body I've found a home in. Something so special about it is our immense diversity. We have so many different colors of skin, so many different ages, and personalities. Sometimes you walk in the room, and you have no idea what could possibly unite us as a people -- we are that different. The beauty about it, and the thing I love most about it is that the only thing we can point to is Christ. We have Christ in common. He is the only one that can take the credit, He is the only one that can put a body of believers together like the one we have. It's incredible.

I can not even begin to tell you how much I've learned, and how much I've grown just by living in a community full of diversity. I'm learning to love deeper, and my compassion and care for people is only skyrocketing. You begin to see the value of human life, and God's deep love for His people and His creation. It truly does open your eyes to so many different parts of who God is, and it has helped me to know Him more and love Him deeper as well. It is a magnificent Tapestry.

So may unity be something we strive for, and loving be something we do a little more.

I love my church. I love Redemption Alhambra.

Weighty Realities

I don't know about you, but my heart aches.

This past few weeks God has really been opening my eyes to so much of the brokenness that surrounds me.

I work as a waitress at a local Mexican restaurant here in Arizona, and as a waitress you see a lot of things. You see the sweet things like a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary, a daddy loving on his baby girl and the giggles that spill from the both of them. You see families join hand to pray before digging in to the mounds of Mexican food I just brought them.

You also see a lot of evil within people. The entitlement, selfishness, and bitterness people not only carry with them, but lash out on their waiters with as well. Recently I saw a very apparently abusive man verbally destroy his wife with me standing right there at the table. I saw him angrily lash out at his father in-law, and aggressively drag his little girl out to the car for 'punishment'. I worried about what happened behind closed doors.

I have seen and heard men talking about women as if they were not people, but objects. They laugh and giggle and drool over these pictures of half naked women and are so courageous as to even show me.

A homeless man walked up to me at Wal-Mart the other day asking politely if I could spare some cash because he was jobless, and needed a hotel for the night for him, his wife, and two kids. What jerked me to this broken reality was that the first thought that popped into my mind was, "Does this man really need cash for a hotel? Or is he just looking for his next high?". Deeply convicted by my quick judgement, I offered what little I had on me, and he looked at me with the most heart-checking, soul piercing stare that I will never forget -- words of gratefulness then poured from his lips as tears poured from his eyes.

I drove away crying myself.

I ran across an article today warning people not to flash their lights at cars who don't have their lights on, because it's now a gang initiation to then follow the car that flashed them, and kill the people within the car. So common courtesy and kindness is repaid with a violent death.

It's situations like these that make me feel so small in comparison to the massive amounts of hurt, brokenness and wickedness in this world. I feel helpless.

I am utterly overwhelmed with these fragmented, ugly and broken situations. My heart grieves, and hurts so much for these people and the great depth of the darkness and evil that this world contains. My heart breaks for these realities.

This is not the way it's supposed to be friends.

I wish so greatly that I could treat the brokenness of gang members who feel as if the answer is to kill the innocent. I wish so greatly that I could have offered a place to stay and food to eat for the man and his family who approached me at Wal-Mart. I wish so greatly for the renewal of men's hearts and minds as to see women as beautiful daughters, and brides to be cherished and handled gently. Not to be sexualized and abandoned. I wish so greatly to heal the hurts of the man that cause him to treat his family poorly, and to rescue his wife and children from that kind of harsh treatment. But I can't fix it.

I often times have no idea what to do when confronted with such brokenness. I don't know how to speak to it, and it's not my job to distribute justice. I get so frustrated at the immensity of the darkness that surrounds me, and the fact that I don't know what to do about it.

I don't know how to bring light to these situations, or bring hope to these situations. As a believer in Christ sometimes I feel completely lost as to what to do or say. I have the answer (IT'S JESUS IT REALLY FREAKING IS HIM!), but I know it's not the one a lot of this world wants.

The only thing that gets me through these days where the painful realities of the world I live in overwhelm me, is that it's not always going to be this way. My hope lies in a future of no more pain, no more suffering, and no more tears. My hope is in a place where Jesus is near, and His work of redemption and reconciliation is complete. I long for the day where I no longer have to fear, where I no longer have to grieve for these people, and where God's hand has met all need.

This friction I feel between the redemption of the cross and resurrection of Jesus, and the time that is yet to come of complete renewal of the earth, can be painful and weighty.

Today my heart is heavy because of it.

My hands are so eager to help, but they feel helpless.

I just want to love people, and to love them well.

I can only rely on the promises that God makes in His word. That justice will be seen, that my God is powerful, mighty, and capable of anything, that my God is good and His divine plan is for good, and that this is not the end. There is hope.

I have to rest in these things today otherwise this world would crush me.