I feel uneasy.
But it's not a in a bad way at all.
It's a weight. It's a yearning. It's a growth. It's a working. It's an awakening. It's the feeling as if my chest is too small for what is inside.
I am uneasy because I see the Lord working in ways I have never seen Him work before, and I don't know where it leads.
It's the thrill and the fear of what the unknown brings.
The Spirit inside of me almost feels too much, but I stay perfectly still because I don't want Him to leave. I want Him to have all of me.
My spirit will not settle because it feels the Lord moving.
Something beautiful is happening and I can't put my finger on it.
God is up to something.
It's big.
I know it.
I'm ready for it.
Can you feel it?
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Beautiful Community
I know I talk about this a lot, but I really cannot emphasize enough how important being in community is.
A good question to ask would be, what does being in community mean and look like anyways?
To me the answer has been this: Getting elbow deep in the mess of people, letting them get elbow deep in your mess, and loving each other all the way through it.
It means being vulnerable, and tenderly embracing instead of condemning. It means joyfully meeting needs when you can meet them, and humbly having needs met when you are the needy. It is many nights of laughter, many nights of tears, and a bunch of weak people coming together underneath a very strong God. It is being able to be hurt, and forgiving when you do get hurt. It is acknowledging that you cause hurt, and aching for doing such things -- then proceeding to humble yourself and ask forgiveness of your own. It is giving grace when it is undeserved, and answering a call at 2AM even though you are tired.
I have never been so blessed in my life to be surrounded by the community I have been for the past 6 months of my life at Redemption Alhambra. I have never been a part of such a raw, transparent and real community. I have never felt like Jesus was so tangible than in the arms of my deeply loving brothers and sisters. I have never been so accepted despite the ugliest parts of me, and never so loved in my darkest moments. These people genuinely love. They never cease to amaze me in how far they will go, and how much they will do to let me know I am taken care of, I am wanted, and I am protected. And I don't know what is a greater picture of the gospel than that right there.
Sometimes it makes me feel inadequate, but in the most beautiful way. I want so desperately to love the way these people love, and sometimes it feels impossible because the love is so great and overwhelming. I hope and pray I can be even half of the friend to them as they are to me.
Recently reading I came across this:
“After kneeling down to the ground to wash the disciples’ feet, Jesus said, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).
If you want Jesus to look important, powerful, attractive, and worthy in your life, love your friends well. Lay down your life for them the way Jesus laid down his for you. Joyful, selfless sacrifice stands out in this world, and it’s one of the most dramatic, most persuasive ways to commend Christ and his good news to others.” -- Good: The Joy of Christian Manhood and Womanhood
Let me tell you friends, I have never seen Jesus as more important, more powerful, more attractive, and more worthy in my own life than in the way my friends love me, and I can only hope and pray that others see it too. They love me well, I do my very best (by the grace of Jesus) to love them well, and I just want the whole world to see it because THIS is the love Jesus was talking about. I have never felt it so wholly than I do in my life now. This love glorifies God. This love is of God, and I could not be more grateful for it. This love is enough.
Friends that are reading this I want you to know that I love you, and that you have touched my heart and blessed me way more than you could possibly know. I am so grateful for you.
"And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved." -- Acts 2:44-47
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken." -- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
A good question to ask would be, what does being in community mean and look like anyways?
To me the answer has been this: Getting elbow deep in the mess of people, letting them get elbow deep in your mess, and loving each other all the way through it.
It means being vulnerable, and tenderly embracing instead of condemning. It means joyfully meeting needs when you can meet them, and humbly having needs met when you are the needy. It is many nights of laughter, many nights of tears, and a bunch of weak people coming together underneath a very strong God. It is being able to be hurt, and forgiving when you do get hurt. It is acknowledging that you cause hurt, and aching for doing such things -- then proceeding to humble yourself and ask forgiveness of your own. It is giving grace when it is undeserved, and answering a call at 2AM even though you are tired.
I have never been so blessed in my life to be surrounded by the community I have been for the past 6 months of my life at Redemption Alhambra. I have never been a part of such a raw, transparent and real community. I have never felt like Jesus was so tangible than in the arms of my deeply loving brothers and sisters. I have never been so accepted despite the ugliest parts of me, and never so loved in my darkest moments. These people genuinely love. They never cease to amaze me in how far they will go, and how much they will do to let me know I am taken care of, I am wanted, and I am protected. And I don't know what is a greater picture of the gospel than that right there.
Sometimes it makes me feel inadequate, but in the most beautiful way. I want so desperately to love the way these people love, and sometimes it feels impossible because the love is so great and overwhelming. I hope and pray I can be even half of the friend to them as they are to me.
Recently reading I came across this:
“After kneeling down to the ground to wash the disciples’ feet, Jesus said, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).
If you want Jesus to look important, powerful, attractive, and worthy in your life, love your friends well. Lay down your life for them the way Jesus laid down his for you. Joyful, selfless sacrifice stands out in this world, and it’s one of the most dramatic, most persuasive ways to commend Christ and his good news to others.” -- Good: The Joy of Christian Manhood and Womanhood
Let me tell you friends, I have never seen Jesus as more important, more powerful, more attractive, and more worthy in my own life than in the way my friends love me, and I can only hope and pray that others see it too. They love me well, I do my very best (by the grace of Jesus) to love them well, and I just want the whole world to see it because THIS is the love Jesus was talking about. I have never felt it so wholly than I do in my life now. This love glorifies God. This love is of God, and I could not be more grateful for it. This love is enough.
Friends that are reading this I want you to know that I love you, and that you have touched my heart and blessed me way more than you could possibly know. I am so grateful for you.
"And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved." -- Acts 2:44-47
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken." -- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Stepping Into Womanhood
I am currently walking into a brand new season of self discovery.
I feel as if we go through these seasons multiple times throughout our entire lives, but definitely more frequently so from late high school all the way through your 20's.
Mine, specifically this time, is carrying the weight of a need for maturity.
"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." -- 1 Corinthians 13:11
It's time to grow up.
It's time to start stepping into womanhood.
My mind as of lately has been flooded with questions:
What does it even mean to be a woman?
What is my role as a woman biblically?
What characteristics does a godly woman possess?
What is my value and my worth according to God?
If I am to get married, what am I looking for in a godly man?
What characteristics does a godly man possess?
What is the role of a man biblically?
If I am to live life as a single well,
How do I use my femininity, and my womanhood to its fullest potential?
How do I serve God well as a woman?
What is my place in the church?
Women are a creation of the Lord different from men, yet not less than men, and they compliment men. Women are uniquely created with different gifts, strengths, roles, and ways of reflecting God, and I'm trying to figure all of that out.
My childish ways have never been more evident to me in my entire life. The way I get upset when I don't get what I want, the ways I seek to receive attention, the ways I manage conflict and communicate, etc. It has given me that "oh crap, there is a lot of work to be done here" kind of gut-check. I have a lot of growing up to do.
Although this season is weighty, it has already been extremely beautiful. I feel as if it is a season of preparation, and readying. For what? I am not sure, but I know it's good.
God has so graciously filled my heart with curiosity and drive to seek the answers to my questions; to seek out wise counsel in His people, and to seek out answers in His Word, in prayer, in sermons, and books. Then God has also given me the desire to apply that knowledge, and to walk in faith according to what I learn and know. Not only accumulating facts, but applying biblical principals to my heart and truly knowing them.
One book specifically has budded a great passion within my soul to continue to seek God out for answers of biblical manhood, and womanhood. It's a book called Good: The Joy of Christian Manhood and Womanhood, and it's free to download! It's amazing, and it's brought so much perspective to our biblical roles, and I'm only halfway through it.
For me I know this season is going to be far from short. There is so much to be done within my heart, but I am well beyond excited to see what God is going to do with me. I am beyond ready to surrender my self wholly to God and to allow His hands to work mightily and that I might gain life through losing it (Matthew 16:24-27). I am ready to be content in every season because I truly know who God is (Philippians 4:10-13). I am ready for God to be enough for me (2 Corinthians 12:9). I am ready to be confident and strong because "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31). I am ready to be steady and stable no longer being tossed back and forth by this life (Ephesians 4:13-14). I am ready to carry strength and dignity, laughing at the days to come, with a great fear for the Lord (Proverbs 31). and I am ready to hold a gentle and quiet spirit because I trust the Lord so I no longer have to be anxious or worried (1 Peter 3:4).
I am not there yet. I still lack a lot, and am immature in many ways. I know that this process of maturing and growing is going to take time, and most definitely won't happen over night. It probably will even be a consistent lesson through my entire life. I know that it is going to take a little digging, a little pain, and a little healing. It is solely by the work of the Holy Spirit that these things can be done within me, but I trust that God has allowed me to see in order that I may grow. I am so ready, so excited, and so open to what God has in store. I serve a mighty, gracious and powerful God. He is the one I can trust to do these great works within me; to show me what it means to step into maturity, and what being a godly woman looks like. Who knows better what I was created for than the creator?
It is time for healing, it is time for growing, and it is time for me to step into womanhood.
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