"Therefore I will block her path with thorn bushes;
I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
she will look and not find them.
I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals;
she decked herself with rings and jewelry,
and went after her lovers
but me she forgot," declares the Lord
"There fore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.
There I will giver her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope."
--Hosea 2:6-7, 13-15
I'm learning through my own testimony, and through the testimonies of others this: the Lord will do whatever he must to get us to a place where HE is the pinnacle of our worship and affections.
I've said this before, but the past year or so has been hands down one of the hardest years I've ever been through. I have been stripped head to toe. At the moments where I thought there couldn't possibly be anything left to take, nothing left to lose, and no deeper pain I could suffer -- I found that I was very wrong.
The idols in my life were/are great and many. My intelligence, my purity, my desirability, and my beauty defined me. I was rooted in selfishness. I sought deeply for satisfaction in things that were just things, and in people that were utterly sinful. This brought great disappointment to my quest for wholeness. I praised God with my mouth, but rarely with my actions. I professed biblical truth, but lacked its application to my heart. I pointed to God for self-glorification.
Like Israel in the book of Hosea, I did not use times of prosperity to shout praise to the mighty and good God I serve, but rather to bathe in my own moral decay. Like Gomer I was chosen by a loving and faithful husband, but I chose to be an adulterous and unfaithful bride.
"Do not rejoice, Israel;
do not be jubilant like the other nations.
For you have been unfaithful to your God;
you love the wages of a prostitute
at every threshing floor."
-- Hosea 9:1
I loved the wages of my promiscuity. Ouch.
The only way the Lord could open my eyes and lead me away from this was by leading me into loss, brokenness and confusion. He had to take away everything I was holding onto, and could hold onto, so that I could learn to trust in His control. I had to learn that even if __________, (you fill in the blank) God is enough, and I will be okay. (Rom. 8:28, Phil. 3:7)
So God stripped me. He stripped me of stability. He stripped me of security. He stripped me of friends and family (momentarily). He stripped me of false identity. He stripped me of anything and everything until all I had left was Him. And when I lie there naked and vulnerable, he picked me up and comforted me. He covered me and clothed me. He tended gently to the scrapes and bruises that I acquired while thrashing around in my reluctancy. He washed this dingy bride and made her clean. He loved me deeply.
What the Lord had to do to me was lead me into the wilderness. A very dry, desolate, and seemingly hopeless, wilderness. There when I was thirsty, weak, and desperate he finally spoke, and allured me. He ushered me near to his heart again; a place where I belonged yet had forgotten. When I was finally home he quenched my thirst, and restored my hope. There I saw His goodness, and there I saw the smallness of the idols I was worshipping in comparison the greatness my King.
“In that day,” declares the Lord,
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master.[d]’
I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked."
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master.[d]’
I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked."
-- Hosea 2:16-17
In order to destroy my idols God had to remove me, and remind me that His love is warm and sweet like a husband's love; that I am to love Him with a greater love than the obligatory and cold service you would show a master. This love, tender and caring, He showed to me first so that I might know it and share it.
Looking back -- the pain fresh and memorable as ever -- is pain I would endure and experience again in a heartbeat if I knew that it took me to where I am now. The Lord has brought me to a place where I am utterly smitten with Him. A place where my eyes are not tempted to gaze anywhere else but at his beauty, splendor, and glory. As David would say, I am grateful for the bones He crushed to get me here, because they have brought me joy and gladness (Psalm 51:8).
Thank God for His faithfulness despite my unfaithfulness, and His pursuit of me when I run. Thank God for His grace that covers the ugliest and most sinful parts of me, and for the love that never fails, and never gives up on me.
