The Need for a Savior

The first day of December marks the coming of Christmas. Things smell wonderful, Arizona is decorated as if it snows here or something, and the inbox to my email is a blackhole of Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals; the colors, the lights, the sounds they all well up an excitement inside your heart that only comes with the Christmas season.

However, this year for me is very different from all of the rest. Although I've heard and participated in Advent before I never quite understood what it meant. To be honest, I just thought it meant going through one of the gospels until Christmas.

What I'm learning is this: having an understanding of Advent brings a far greater joy in my heart than any Christmas season has ever brought before.

The word Advent itself means, "the arrival/coming of a notable person, thing, or event"

As Christians we are anticipating the arrival of Christ! The joyful celebration is for the coming of our Savior. We remember His past coming as a humble baby wrapped in rags lying in manger, and we anxiously await His arrival again as our powerful King.

In this season of joyful anticipation, we have to remember why we need a Savior to come in the first place. We have to remember that the story doesn't start in a manger, it starts in a garden.

When God created the earth, and the Garden of Eden, it was flawless. God's canvas became a picture of beauty and harmony. The garden was a place where we walked freely and joyfully. We worked perfectly together with the earth, each other, and with God -- things were unmarred, unbroken, peaceful, and God said it was good. (Genesis 1-2)

Then the fall destroyed it all. When Adam and Eve ate of the fruit they were forbidden to eat, it sent the earth and the garden out of its peace and perfection and into chaos and disaster. By choosing autonomy from a trustworthy and loving God they separated us from harmony. We soon discovered the shame, fear, brokenness, and insecurity that came with sin. We felt our separation from the holiness and perfection of God, and experience death for the very first time. (Genesis 3)

The reality is that we carry the fall with us still. We still have hearts that are prone to betraying our God. We still choose ourselves more often than not, and the evidence is in the brokenness around us.

The good news is that God made a promise to rescue us even when He could have easily turned His back to mankind. When we deserved to remain in death for our selfishness, out of His great love and compassion, he came and made a covenant to save us.

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“5 The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. 6 And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart. 7 So the Lord said, “I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, man and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens, for I am sorry that I have made them.” 8 But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.” -- Genesis 6:5-8

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 In Noah we begin to see the workings of His promise. Though God sees our wickedness He seeks to save, and through His love and compassion He finds favor in Noah. We then, through the Old Testament, see the story of God working to save His people in many and multiple scenarios.

Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Joseph, and so many more are foreshadows of the coming King. They set the scene unto which Jesus arrives. This baby grows to a man and sacrifices His spotless life as atonement for our sins. Through this sacrifice we are given new life. We are restored to communion with God. We are able to remember pieces of what the life of harmony in the garden looked like. We are able to taste heaven.

 

However, God's redemptive work is not yet finished. Though we are able to love, we often do not love. Though we are able to give, we often take. Though we are able to forgive, we often grow bitter. The aches of our brokenness still remain. Redemption is an ongoing process, and Advent is a reminder of the promise that lies before us. It is once again the joyful anticipation of the second coming of Jesus. It is a reminder to make room in our hearts for our bridegroom, and to prepare for His coming. It is a reminder of our hopeful waiting, and creates a longing for the day that, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." -- Revelation 21:4

 

Advent kindles the fires in our hearts that want to cry "Maranatha!" or "Our Lord Come!"

 

So during this season may we be reminded of our need for a Savior, may we rejoice in the fulfillment of God's promise through the birth of the one who saves us, and may we anxiously await the fulfillment of His promises yet.

I can't wait, I'm giddy like a kid at Christmas.

What Does it Cost?

Lately I have been waking up in the morning from these bizarre dreams. The reason they are so weird is because they have been continuous. The past few nights as I go to sleep it's as if I pick up in the dream right where I left off when I woke up the previous morning. Their essential summary is this: Stand up for Christ and all that he stands for, and you are going to be persecuted.

As a born people pleaser these dreams don't appeal to me. They are more like nightmares. I have spent a large portion of my life as a slave to people's thoughts of me. I have always wanted to be on everyone's good side. Of course that has failed me from time to time, but I've gotten grossly good at it.

I think back to childhood and realize that I've been doing this since I was very young, like 5-6 years old, young. I followed the rules, and made sure I did well in school not because these things were good for me, but because I wanted to please my teachers, my parents, and any other authority. I would succumb to peer pressure as a high schooler, and become the spitting image of any boyfriend I had as to be everything he wanted. It has made me flexible, and adaptive to any environment I'm placed in. While this is beneficial in many social jobs and social settings -- it is absolutely contradictory to much of the gospel.

Church has been one of those environments where I adapted quickly. I learned what to say and what to do to fit in, and growing up it didn't come with much of a heart change... because it didn't need to.

It wasn't until recently that I got a very eye opening glimpse into the condition of my heart. I was so numb to my inner grime because on the outside everything looked perfect. It took the loss of something I loved to awaken me. It's like someone took a light to the darkest corners of my heart, and exposed all of the mess that I had been working so hard to hide in those corners, and it became very apparent that I need a heart overhaul.

In the past few months God has been insanely gracious to me. Cleaning out these dark corners, and this mess in my heart has been excruciating. At many times I've wanted to give up because I wasn't sure it was worth it, but I've kept on going.

My prize is Jesus. This long and grueling process of sanctification is worth it, because in the end I get Jesus. And what is the cost? Everything.

The cost might be that not everyone on this planet is fond of me. The cost might be my own desires, as to build new ones on Christ. The cost might be comfort. The cost might be painful.

At times I have been fooled into believing that Jesus alone was not enough, and I could have it all. I have believed that my heart's satisfaction could come from acceptance of my peers and elders. I have believed that my heart could be satisfied with positions, possessions, fun nights, and fun substances. And, yes, while they temporarily satisfied, they also left me with a deeper appetite and hunger for something more. While I kept chasing, the highs became shorter and less satisfying.

So what if Jesus is enough?
What if He costs me everything?

" But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ  and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." --Philippians 3:7-11

Women of the Bible: Ruth

God has so much to say about our identity as women. Although women are not mentioned as much in the bible -- the ones that are mentioned are women we can learn some of the greatest truths about our design from.

One of my favorites is Ruth.  

In Ruth’s story we see a lot of loss and a lot of hardship.  Yet this faithful woman remains loyal to her mother-in-law even though it means a life of poverty, and hard work to provide in what meager ways she can for the both of them.

"For where you go I'll go, where you stay I'll stay." --Ruth 1:16

We watch Ruth working long days in the local fields gleaning for what little she can to bring home to her and Naomi. Though probably a swampy mess – pitted out, dirty, and tired – Ruth catches someone’s eye. Boaz a man of power and providence sees Ruth from a far, and when he asks about her… her reputation precedes her. This is the woman who took care of Naomi even when she didn’t have to.

"All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told to me..." -- Ruth 2:11

Boaz seeks out Ruth, and gives her more than she could ask – protection, stability, and enough food and water for both her and Naomi. Ruth’s immediate response is one of sheer humility and gratitude.

"she fell on her face, bowing to the ground, and said to him, "Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?" -- Ruth 2:10

Running home, Ruth tells Naomi the good news and what they could easily chalk up to coincidence, they instead immediately recognize the Lord’s hand in their blessings. This is followed by careful instruction from Naomi, obedience from Ruth, and we soon see the story of brokenness and loss turn to a story of redemption and provision.

So what does Ruth’s story tell us about being a godly woman?

Where Ruth could have chosen selfishness, she chose to serve and love Naomi well.

Where Ruth could have wallowed in her loss, she leaned on the Lord and actively sought his provision.

Where Ruth could have hardened her heart with pride and entitlement, she maintains a posture of humility and gratitude.

The Christ-like character of Boaz is not immediately taken by the external beauty of Ruth, but his affections for her are fostered by her character.

“but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” – 1 Peter 3:4

We learn from Ruth that godly women are loyal, hard-working, humble, spoken well of, grateful, and obedient.

We learn the value of faithfulness, and absolute trust in the Lord even amidst the worst of circumstances. Within Ruth’s hardship we watch God redeem her story, and He is magnificently glorified in it.

We see what the fruit of a woman who has God actively working within her heart looks like, and what beauty and goodness that brings to the people around her.

Ruth entrusts the Lord with everything amidst the unknown, even though it is difficult. She finds her strength in her God, and what we find is that God is faithful.

Sisters, It is easy for us to beat ourselves up when we do not look like Ruth, but please do not be discouraged. Instead be encouraged to seek Jesus in all that you do. Know that your worth and value is already set by Christ, and in His eyes you are prized, cherished, and delighted in. Set your sights on the work that God is capable of doing within your own heart, and know that his grace covers you where you fall short. Hold fast to the truths of the gospel, and allow it to be a guide on your journey to biblical womanhood.

May Ruth be a story of hope for our hearts, an inspiration to seek our savior through the thick of the most painful parts of our stories and a reminder of the redeeming power and greatness of our God.

This Unfaithful Bride

"Therefore I will block her path with thorn bushes;

I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.

She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;

she will look and not find them.

I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals;

she decked herself with rings and jewelry,

and went after her lovers

but me she forgot," declares the Lord

"There fore I am now going to allure her;

I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.

There I will giver her back her vineyards,

and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope."

--Hosea 2:6-7, 13-15

I'm learning through my own testimony, and through the testimonies of others this: the Lord will do whatever he must to get us to a place where HE is the pinnacle of our worship and affections. 

I've said this before, but the past year or so has been hands down one of the hardest years I've ever been through. I have been stripped head to toe. At the moments where I thought there couldn't possibly be anything left to take, nothing left to lose, and no deeper pain I could suffer -- I found that I was very wrong.

The idols in my life were/are great and many. My intelligence, my purity, my desirability, and my beauty defined me. I was rooted in selfishness. I sought deeply for satisfaction in things that were just things, and in people that were utterly sinful. This brought great disappointment to my quest for wholeness. I praised God with my mouth, but rarely with my actions. I professed biblical truth, but lacked its application to my heart. I pointed to God for self-glorification.

Like Israel in the book of Hosea, I did not use times of prosperity to shout praise to the mighty and good God I serve, but rather to bathe in my own moral decay. Like Gomer I was chosen by a loving and faithful husband, but I chose to be an adulterous and unfaithful bride.

"Do not rejoice, Israel;

    do not be jubilant like the other nations.

For you have been unfaithful to your God;

    you love the wages of a prostitute

    at every threshing floor."

-- Hosea 9:1

I loved the wages of my promiscuity. Ouch.

The only way the Lord could open my eyes and lead me away from this was by leading me into loss, brokenness and confusion. He had to take away everything I was holding onto, and could hold onto, so that I could learn to trust in His control. I had to learn that even if __________, (you fill in the blank) God is enough, and I will be okay. (Rom. 8:28, Phil. 3:7)

So God stripped me. He stripped me of stability. He stripped me of security. He stripped me of friends and family (momentarily). He stripped me of false identity. He stripped me of anything and everything until all I had left was Him. And when I lie there naked and vulnerable, he picked me up and comforted me. He covered me and clothed me. He tended gently to the scrapes and bruises that I acquired while thrashing around in my reluctancy. He washed this dingy bride and made her clean. He loved me deeply.

What the Lord had to do to me was lead me into the wilderness. A very dry, desolate, and seemingly hopeless, wilderness. There when I was thirsty, weak, and desperate he finally spoke, and allured me. He ushered me near to his heart again; a place where I belonged yet had forgotten. When I was finally home he quenched my thirst, and restored my hope. There I saw His goodness, and there I saw the smallness of the idols I was worshipping in comparison the greatness my King.

“In that day,” declares the Lord,
    “you will call me ‘my husband’;
    you will no longer call me ‘my master.[d]’
I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
    no longer will their names be invoked."

-- Hosea 2:16-17

In order to destroy my idols God had to remove me, and remind me that His love is warm and sweet like a husband's love; that I am to love Him with a greater love than the obligatory and cold service you would show a master. This love, tender and caring, He showed to me first so that I might know it and share it.

Looking back -- the pain fresh and memorable as ever -- is pain I would endure and experience again in a heartbeat if I knew that it took me to where I am now. The Lord has brought me to a place where I am utterly smitten with Him. A place where my eyes are not tempted to gaze anywhere else but at his beauty, splendor, and glory. As David would say, I am grateful for the bones He crushed to get me here, because they have brought me joy and gladness (Psalm 51:8).

Thank God for His faithfulness despite my unfaithfulness, and His pursuit of me when I run. Thank God for His grace that covers the ugliest and most sinful parts of me, and for the love that never fails, and never gives up on me.

The Babbling Testimony

IIt's just one of those nights where I can't sleep because I have so much on my mind.

God is doing some amazing things, and it's been awakening my heart from a long season of slumber.

Tonight in my Redemption Community group we talked about what God's grace means for the way we live. We talked about how grace permeates our lives, and changes everything. It's definitely been at a deep work in my life.

Some days I get in a mindset where I don't see myself growing and I get frustrated. However if I just look back a few months from even today I feel as if I am a completely different person. God has changed my heart in so many ways. My life is a continual testimony of God's life changing grace and love. God's righteousness, holiness, and greatness  is just to potent to leave my life unchanged.

For most of my life I have been insanely inward focused; looking solely at myself and fostering a selfish heart. In the past few months, thanks to God's grace, I've slowly seen my heart take it's eyes off of self and fix my eyes on Jesus instead. My eagerness and desire to serve has grown vastly. Where serving the church and the people around me used to be done mostly out of obligation and duty -- I have seen it become so much more. It has become a great joy of mine to not only serve the need, but look for the need. There is no way I could have changed my attitude on my own. I blame God for giving me a deep and aching love for the people around me, both in my church and outside of it.

I have now begun to carry a new confidence. Not so that I may boast in myself, but my eyes have been open to who God is -- and He chose ME. Why? I have no idea. But I can stand firm in the fact that I belong to a divine creator. That He came down for me. I find my value and my worth in Him... so it is unshakeable, because my God is unchanging, everlasting, and infinite. When in the past I may have struggled looking in the mirror, or seeing myself as a desirable or beautiful soul -- now even on my worst days I know to whom I belong. He is my God and I am His person. I've watched as God has taken this head knowledge and turned it into heart knowledge.

I'm learning that God is enough. That no matter what I go through. No matter how little or how much I have. God is enough. No matter what crappy circumstance is thrown my way. He is enough so I don't have to keep seeking such little things to satisfy me or idolize, and I can seat Him properly on the throne of my heart. Learning to worship the Creator, not the created. Not only is He enough, but I'm going to be okay. He works all things for good.

God is developing in me a new found curiosity and love for Him. I have so much to be thankful for.

The best part is the community He has given me, and the love that He has given me for them. I am surrounded by some of the most amazing people. They are genuine, kind, loving, strong, smart, passionate people. My heart is often overwhelmed by the amount of love that God has given me for them. I often times have a hard time holding it together on Sunday mornings, and Wednesday nights when I am completely surrounded by the people I love most. My framily (closer than friends, deeper than family). My heart feels like it could explode, so I just cry about it. Literally. I have no idea where I would be about these people. I have never been so cared for physically, emotionally and spiritually by a body of people like I am now. They live out the bible, and that's my favorite part. Christ's genuine love is apparent at Redemption Alhambra. I love my church. I love Christ's bride.

Looking back, and seeing myself now... I feel like I don't even recognize myself. But I hope more than anything that it's not just the words of my testimony that are changing into something new, and something glorious for God. I hope it shows. May my actions be more so the evidence to my growing testimony of Christ's work in my life.

God is softening up this old stone for a heart, and breaking down some serious walls. He is healing, and He is filling. It's the most beautiful season I have ever been through, and it's the most difficult season to put into words -- thus my babble for the past several paragraphs.

I cannot say I have arrived. I don't ever think I'll be able to say that. I am constantly humbled by it.

There is still massive amounts of work that Christ has to do on my heart, and the process will be endless. My natural sinfulness will always break me, dirty me up, and wound me -- but I am free. It's the beautiful story of grace that covers me. That continually makes me a new creation. That continually puts my flesh to death. It's Christ that lives within me, and I can feel Him so near. Within my very chest.

"His holiness demands that He remain separated from sin, but His compassion implores Him to make a way."

Like David

David and I

We think alike.

His workings and mine 

We think and act along the same lines

Our hearts nastily adulteress

Our seasons blind and foolish

Our friends do we owe deep gratitude

For calling the darkness of our hearts to light

And endlessly indebted to The Lord

For showing his mercy and kindness

And callusing our knees in repentance

O but the psalmist

Brought quickly to awe and reverence

By acquainting one's soul with smallness

Compared to The Creators sneak peak of glory 

With the masterpiece that is around us

Thunder rumbles in our chest

Yet groanings and pain plagues us

Heartache

And heartbreak

To we feel every crack and crevice

Exposed and vulnerable to the wounds of our flesh

Unable to hide under a hard exterior

Or numbness

But trusting deeply O Lord

In your goodness

And faithfulness

So we worship

With our tongues do we confess

With our lips we sing of your greatness

Our hearts postured to surrender

To lay everything down

At the feet of His who's name is renown

Heaven be our hope

Identity secure 

Though our hearts waver

May they never wander far

From our Shepard who rescues us

Crushing our bones to mend us

Stirred Affections

“Therefore I am now going to allure her;
    I will lead her into the wilderness
    and speak tenderly to her." -- Hosea 2:14

There is a fight for my affections.
I feel it... constantly.

School, work, tv, books, billboards, and magazines
People. So many people.
All of them inconspicuously begging and pleading to be worshiped;
praised, adored, and glorified.
They promise happiness and satisfaction.
Seeking my devotion
and I am so easily seduced
falling victim of empty promises

I can feel my footsteps wander away
and my eyes distracted
to temporary gratifications that fade
while my appetency grows
the more I consume the larger the void
a black hole consuming my life
I run and I run
until my soul feels parched
and my heart feels dry
the dead end of this road has me spinning

Oh Baal, you leave me aching.

“In that day,” declares the Lord,
    “you will call me ‘my husband’;
    you will no longer call me ‘my master.[d]’
I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
    no longer will their names be invoked." -- Hosea 2:16-17

But I hear my creator call
Pursuing me through the desert, and the wasteland
Searching for me
Stretching, straining, reaching

Hopeless I scream
"Come quick!"

And He finds me
coaxing my heart out of its dark and dusty corners
gently rubbing salve on its self-inflicted wounds
swooping me up and embracing me
He isn't angry

From bondage he breaks me
And He takes me

"Bow and sword and battle
    I will abolish from the land,
    so that all may lie down in safety.
 I will betroth you to me forever;
    I will betroth you in[e] righteousness and justice,
    in[f] love and compassion.
 I will betroth you in[g] faithfulness,
    and you will acknowledge the Lord." -- Hosea 2:18-20

His name like water on my lips
Restoring life to these dead bones
With ease
Next to Him I feel whole

He loves this unfaithful soul

"You are mine"
He whispers to this broken identity

"I will plant her for myself in the land;
    I will show my love to the one I called ‘Not my loved one.[i]’
I will say to those called ‘Not my people,[j]’ ‘You are my people’;
    and they will say, ‘You are my God.’” -- Hosea 2:23

Joyfully betrothed to my loving groom
my affections no longer misplaced
This bride knows what to do
to the man who was her saving grace

Eyes of adoration follow his every move
melting in to his majesty and splendor
with nothing to lose and everything to gain
giving Him all in a sweet surrender

Consuming, unquenchable love
Time stops when our eyes meet
Just a touch makes me weak

Thoughts racing I can't sleep
With joy I radiate and overflow
Your grace far too overwhelming
Though wicked and mangled
You envelop me

Undeserving
You changed me
Disaffected
You made me

Praise spills from my mouth
and gratitude fills my lungs

Sweet Jesus,
I am yours
and you are mine