Confessions of a Christian Hedonist

For those of you who know me you know that I listen to a lot of Matt Chandler... It may be a slight problem sometimes, but the man can speak some truth! Can I get an amen!?

I'm going to credit him for most of the ideas here. A lot of these thoughts are not my originals, but mostly just my thoughts on his thoughts on biblical truths. If that makes sense.

Anyhow listening to a plethora of Chandler's sermons, reading transcripts and doing some biblical research myself, I have seen a pattern. We are all hedonists.

What is hedonism?

It's essentially the pursuit of highest pleasure for ourselves.

We do it from day one. Babies at 2am, 4am, 6am, demand to be fed, changed, entertained, soothed, cuddled etc. and not much changes as we grow. We seek friendships, relationships, entertainment, food, drink, to be soothed and cuddled etc. for our own pleasure. We continue to seek bigger and better to fill our lives.

So then what is the Christian Hedonist?

It is the pursuit of the highest pleasure for ourselves -- the ultimate pleasure, and the only soul fulfilling, life giving, loving, joyful, satisfying pleasure that exists -- Jesus Christ, and the life that He calls us to.

I feel like a lot of churches have it backwards. They tell you that you can't have a good marriage, or be a good mother/father, or live a 'happy' life without God. That's far from the truth just look around you. I know many people myself who have amazing marriages, are great mothers and fathers, and are in general means happy that have no affiliation with Christ nor the church. On the contrary I have also seen Christians who were in very toxic marriages and relationships. We can have the pleasures of this life and still enjoy them without Christ. What God made as good is still good. Yes sin has warped and perverted it, but there is still good to be found from its design.

However these things will not fulfill our soul. They are meaningless. Without Christ they are fleeting pleasures. They feel good in the moment and maybe a little while after, but that moment fades and you're off to seek your next pleasure. As humans we come with and built-in space that is designed only for God to be able to fill. It is the space of complete and lasting satisfaction, fulfillment, and joy that only can be found in Christ.

I like to explain it as a puzzle piece. There is only one piece that will fit in the spot that you are trying to fill. You can force, and press, and wiggle other pieces to stay there, but it is going to look out of place, it will be a little uncomfortable, and ultimately it doesn't belong there. So you will remove that piece and try another, but unless you have the piece that is necessary to go there the picture will never feel/look complete.

I'm not going to lie to you. I have tried many puzzle pieces, and I'm not going to tell you that they weren't fun. I tried partying, alcohol, drugs, and sex; I have tried relationships, meaningful friendships, and being a 'good girl'. They are lots of fun, and very satisfying in the moment. However, that satisfaction is so fleeting. There one minute and gone the next. That is why it becomes a life style pursuing these things -- bigger, better, and in greater quantities -- because satisfaction was met, but not completely nor permanently.

This is the wonder and beauty of Jesus Christ. While we can still enjoy life without him we will never see the fullness of what life is to be without Him. We can enjoy that juicy steak, and that fresh glass of a robust merlot. But with God we can see the creative aspects that were put into place to make the steak what it is, and enjoy the warmth of the wine at its fullest. We can then see that these things are good gifts from an amazing creator that loves seeing those he loves enjoy life to the fullest. These things are holy and good things given by a holy and good God. We then are in a trance of gratefulness, and awe. And if you read my previous blog these things promote lasting joy! To enjoy things like marriage, parenthood, friendships, food, drink etc. to the fullest as they were created to be enjoyed we have to have Christ. Christ is the pinnacle of fulfillment and satisfaction, and enjoying this life is what overflows from that. Within Christ there is a new-found appreciation, joy, and overall goodness to life. Without Him the pleasures of this life are meaningless.

King Solomon (the wisest man this planet will ever see) is the biblical example of this in Ecclesiastes, and in 1 Kings.

This is Christian Hedonism.

Seeking Christ as the only permanent filling to the God sized hole in our life. A hole that nothing else will fill or satisfy.

Christ is the ultimate pleasure.

P.S. Here are links to some sermons that probably explain this concept a lot better than I do!

http://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-to-explain-christian-hedonism-over-lunch

http://www.thevillagechurch.net/resources/sermons/#series-sort_ecclesiastes : The Sixth Sense/Quenched

Cultivating Joy

Needless to say the past year of my life has brought so many ups and downs that I'm beginning to feel nauseous. This roller coaster is exhausting.

I always feel as if I have been residing in the downs more often than the ups. When I feel as if my season of walking through the valley is over, and I can see the light, I am met with another another valley.

I'm beginning to realize that this is just what life looks like. If I am to fear these valleys or let the anxiety, pain, and frustration of having to walk through them overtake me, then I have no hope for this life to be one full of beauty. What I am also beginning to see is that the more valleys I face, the easier they are to walk through. Once you have seen God walk you through one, you still know the next one is going to be equally if not more difficult, but you know that you're going to be okay.

Marty Caldwell (Global Director of Young Life) recently came to my current sweet home state of Arizona, and spoke at a leadership meeting that I attended. His words were utterly inspiring to me in my current state of inner turmoil. He spoke on cultivating gratefulness.

He painted a picture of a man he met overseas. This man barely had anything. Marty spoke of stepping into his small one room hut for a home, not much bigger than a bedroom on a home we would have here in the states. There was a window, a small table, and a lightbulb hanging by a string from the ceiling to light up the small space. Yet this man bubbled over with radiant joy. As he walked Marty through his small hut he envisioned all of the great things God was going to do in this hut. "And in this corner, I will stand and preach the gospel to the men! In this corner on this table will be water for the men to drink!" He was most literally so excited about the small amount that he had that he overflowed with joy. He was grateful for all that he had -- even though all he had were the shoes on his feet, and a small hut with a dirt floor.

Marty said with tears in his eyes,

"When we cultivate gratitude for all that God has given us, even though it may just be the breath in our lungs, we will live lives radiant of hope and joy. When you are grateful there is no choice but to be joyful."

What I have learned in this life is that entitlement is what breeds ungratefulness. When we believe we deserve something we do not have then we live lives that are angry, bitter, resentful, and lacking of joy. The harsh reality is that we don't deserve anything, and we owe everything. It is only by the grace of God that we have the very breath in our lungs. So we have everything to be grateful for.

Christian joy is a very foreign thing to our world, because it is not of this world. Joy is a fruit of the spirit, and it is a heavenly fruit. It is not normal to have hope in the wreckages of life. It is not normal when you have lost all things you love and care about, to have joy. It is not normal to have nothing, but be grateful for everything.

But that's the beauty of it all. A life with Christ is counterintuitive to what is 'normal'.

How is it then that we cultivate joy?

Something I heard from a very wise woman named Amy Sherman, was this: in order to be grateful, we have to rename our possessions as not 'ours' but as 'God's'. When we realize all that we possess, are actually God's possessions they stop ruling our lives as our gods, and God has the opportunity to be our God. When we finally put on these lenses to see that what we have is not truly by the work of our hands, but given by the grace of a good God, gratefulness begins to grow. When we put on an eternal lens that seeks first the Kingdom, and shy away from the blinders that trap us in our temporary situations, we are able to live lives of freedom and joy.

This is not to say that we will not experience a great deal of pain and suffering in our lifetime, or that our pain and suffering should be minimized. That is far from the truth, and pain will always demand to be felt. The realities of the broken world that we live in means that we will actually experience great deals of disappointment, pain, suffering, and brokenness throughout our lives. That is where I hope that all of you that are reading, have a place and a community where people will walk you through these seasons. We must also not forget that no matter how far God may feel that He is insanely near, and we are never alone in our trials and tribulations.

We live in a time where Jesus has come and saved us from our sin, sealing us for eternal life. He is a redeemer, and is more than capable of restoring our lives. However, we also live in a time where we eagerly await the complete restoration and perfection that is to come when Christ returns again. Therefore we live in a weird in-between of life where we feel the friction of wanting what is perfect, but it has not yet come.

We can root our hope here. That this is not forever. We still feel the pains and aches of brokenness, but this is not how the story ends. Our hope is not in the success and perfection of our current lives, but the life that is to come. That the earth again will be a place of harmony, unity, and peace -- just as God intended it to be when he created it, good.

When we root our hope in a beautiful eternity, and we grow the seeds of gratefulness to a God that is madly in love with us -- we begin the feel the restless bubbling of joy from the core of our being. It is a joy that never wavers, a joy that cannot be squelched by pain, a joy that is supernatural and unlike this world has seen. We cannot help but radiate joy when we find fulfillment in the God whose very breath he breathed into our lungs.

Sin's Poetry

Mmmm. 

Isn’t it enticing?

This platter before me

It spills with my utmost desires

anything I could dream

where all I can see is me

and it’s appetizing

glory and pleasure instantly

drawing me sweetly

seductively it lures me

oh just a taste

"all for you” 

and I lean closer

may no one else stand in the way

hanging over, mouth watering

before I know it my teeth sink in

chewing viciously

so delectable and satisfying

growing the monster

of insatiable craving

then the bomb hits

there is a pounding in my chest

as I feel the toxicity of my indulgences

seeping deeply within

making living waters murky

darkening the meadows

and hardening the bed

where The Lamb lays His head

embedding its deadly roots

choking out beauty

and caging the curse in

Sin’s appetite will not relent

though poison

I seek it again

frantically chasing, running and racing

to feel full again

though I eat and I eat

the more hollow I feel

till weak and frail 

I crawl back again

and again

and again

But there is nothing left within

but vast spaces of destruction

stale silence, abandoned shadows

loneliness whispering its lullaby in the wind

face plastered to the ground

desperation released in deep groans

this empire I’ve built is jaded

it’s streets are filled with thieves

my adulturous heart

has betrayed thee with a kiss

no Judas could not come close to  this 

12 pieces?

I traded you for less

your prodigal daughter

thrown at your feet

Please Lord have mercy on me

crush these bones

where death and darkness abide

may I lay this broken life before you

And may love still remain in your eyes

Oh so gentle you are

blood wiping this dingy bride clean

embracing me tightly 

until this writhing body stops

and concedes

to your compassion

grace burning hot beneath my skin

why? I cry

Did it take so long to let you back in

but wait

You celebrate this?

my pain then melts to peace

and my blinded eyes now see

that my savior is not an actor

but an author and rapper

spitting rhymes flows and melodies

to pull me in a little faster

taking my trash and turning it to His treasure

saturating me in the beats of heart

and waking me to his wonder

oh Jesus

Your goodness watching over me

putting death to sin’s poetry

Means of Forgiveness

This weekend has probably been the most life changing weekend I've had in a while... if ever.

I got a wonderful opportunity to participate in an event called The Gospel Encounter. To break it down simply it's a 12 hour day jam-packed with the gospel. The gospel is broken down in 5 parts: Creation, The Fall/Repentance, Forgiveness, The Cross, and The Resurrection. Each of these sets are taught by amazing, wise, and bold leaders from our church, and we are given a chance to apply and respond to the gospel.

While I have heard the gospel many times, and I could recite it to you -- I devote my life to the gospel -- I have never had it given to me quite like this. I can tell you I have never cried that many tears in such a short time. I felt like I was undergoing open-heart surgery. God was really not afraid to stick His hands in my heart and get elbow deep -- getting rid of the ugly (ouch) and filling it with Him. It was a shattering of myself. I was able to take my very very broken heart to Jesus and He carefully began the rebuilding process.

Something specific that punched me in the face was our forgiveness portion of the day.

The past few months I have been in a season of self-examination. I have been searching myself for my unseen sin, and seeking God to fill the emptiness within me that I've managed accumulate. I went through loads of repentance over multiple sins -- yet I still seemed to be hitting a wall with God. There was something holding me back and I couldn't put my finger on it.

Then my Pastor's beautiful wife took the podium; between that woman's words and the Holy Spirit I was wrecked. By the grace of God alone my eyes were opened to the unreal amount of unforgiveness that I had been harboring in my heart.

This is the reality of forgiveness:

Forgiveness is NECESSARY for us. Without God's forgiveness we are dead. Without forgiveness for each other we don't have God's forgiveness.

"Forgive our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors... For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" - Matthew 6:12

Essentially Jesus is saying, "I'm going to forgive you the same way you forgive the people around you."

*Slap* (That's the bible hitting me in the face)

Straight up friends, if Jesus is forgiving my sins the way I've been forgiving people -- My sins are only kind of forgiven and they linger around in the background to be brought up when I do something wrong or hurtful. YIKES.

We are so quick to take forgiveness but so unwilling to give it ourselves. Just take a look at Matthew 18:21-35. That's in the bible for a reason.

The crazy part is I had no idea I struggled with this.

The way Dana put it was this "When we bear unforgiveness we are putting up walls, and we end up boxed in wondering why our relationship with the Lord has come to a halt."

My relationship with the Lord did come to a halt, and at first I was angry that forgiveness was what I had to give in order to break these walls. Not only was it relatively simple, but it was something I did not want to do. For a very long time I saw forgiveness as a means of "letting them off the hook". If I forgave, then they would never learn from the damage they caused me or they would see how they sinned against me as okay. That is far from the truth friends. Forgiveness is sucking the poison out of yourself, and trusting God that He will handle the situation. Unforgiveness hurts no one but yourself.

We cannot forgive on our own. As people we want to see justice, and revenge by on our own terms. We will take our wounds, and try to wound others with them. Forgiveness is a gift and power of the Holy Spirit, and we can not rely on ourselves to do this. Without the Holy Spirit forgiveness is difficult and pretty much impossible.

If I break it down it goes like this:

Only God can forgive sins (Genesis 50:17-22), as the Son of God, Jesus had the authority to forgive sins (Mark 2:1-12), and in John 20:21-23 Jesus gives us the power to forgive sins. As believers we have the power to forgive sins or to withhold forgiveness -- however Jesus did not give us that power so that we may withhold it, but give it generously.

"Forgive and forget" -- can I tell you how much a hate that tag line? The truth is friends within forgiveness we may not forget, and we may know it for a long time. The pain that was caused to us may hurt well after we forgive, but although I hate that tag line... forgiveness does lead to forgetting. When we finally let go of our unforgiveness we can finally allow it to be a part of our past instead of continuing to put it in our present. The best way I can describe this is as if someone handed you a burning hot coal. You have two choices: you can either hang on to it and allow it to continue to burn you, or you can let it go and tend to the burn you already received.

Forgiveness is a choice, and it is often difficult. It is agreeing to live with the consequences of someone else's sin. Jesus calls us to forgive, so we are called to do this. At first I didn't agree that this was okay, but when you look at Jesus who bore the consequences of my sin -- and did so willingly -- I cannot allow myself to think I am better than Jesus and deny someone else of this. We are given grace first, so God calls us to be gracious. We cannot expect to be the sole receiver of  the miraculous and beautiful gifts of God. We cannot say that we are better than anyone else because we cannot earn our worth, our value, our credibility, or our worthiness. If we could we would all utterly fail. It is only God that has given us these things.

We can forgive by accepting that what was done to us was in fact painful. We need to accept the hurt, and the hate that comes with being sinned against, but not as to dwell or wallow in it (we cannot make our suffering bigger than the cross). Accept that what was done to you was wrong. Forgiveness includes bearing the burden of another's offense and choosing not to use it against them. And forgiveness does not always come with immediate relief, joy, or a "feeling"-- and we cannot wait for those things to forgive otherwise we may be stuck for a while. It is of a greater call that we make the choice to forgive, and trust that God meant what He said: "that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -- Romans 8:28. By forgiving we can move forward in God's beautiful plan for our lives, and not remain in the tangles and stagnancy of unforgiveness that prevents our steps.

I promise you friends that forgiveness is freeing. It's finally breaking out of the cage thats door has been open this whole time. It draws us closer the heart of God, and breathes new life into our lungs. I feel as if I can love freely, and experience love much more deeply now that I have let loose my unforgiveness. It breaks loose an ugly and hard shell upon our hearts, and releases the deep aching and groaning from our bones.

I pray that we all become good forgivers, and passionate lovers.

My First Love

I don't know about you, but I don't enjoy being in pain.

Far from actually. I often avoid commitment, I avoid dating -- preferring to keep it 'casual', I keep walls up and I usually stay at an arms length with most people in order to avoid it. I run as far as I can at the first signs of any kind of pain.

However lately I seem to have gotten myself entangled in pain's snares. I don't know how it happened, but I voided all my rules and it got me right where I always predicted it would get me. In pain, and broken-hearted.

I don't necessarily view this as a bad thing anymore. My ability to commit, to be close and intimate to someone, and my ability to open my heart has solely come from a great work God has begun in me. To me it means growth, and unfortunately it got me somewhere I don't want to be -- I still count it a victory.

If I face the cold hard facts I can see that my tank is empty. I am an empty person. Whether I choose to admit it or not I struggle with loneliness, addiction, and depression. My subconscious likes to resolve this void by filling it up with as many things as possible: friends, things to do, tv, lots of food, attention, books, drinks, etc. and none of these things are bad! They just should not be the things that I am seeking fulfillment in.

What I'm learning the hard way is that no-one and no-thing on this earth is going to satisfy my emptiness. I could own all that I dreamed of and live in the lap of luxury; I could have it all: friends, family, a stable job that I enjoy; I could fall in love, and even if I was loved back -- the loneliness would eventually return, and I would still feel hollow. I've been proven this time and time again in my own life.

The things I try to fill myself up with always leave me broken, hurt, confused, messy, and feeling more void than I did before. It's disappointing -- because initially they feel great.

There is a great quote by Ray Ortlund and it goes like this:

"God created a rich world to be enjoyed by fulfilled people, but human sin has emptied out the fullness God intended. That is why people are hollow, even as they stuff themselves with false meanings and disgusting pleasures."

Holla at yo girl.

He pinned me.

So what does it mean to be a fulfilled people anyways?

What I'm learning is that it means to be madly in love with someone who will never leave. Who will never tire of you. Someone who works things for your good. Who knows the desires of your heart and who gives you the desires of your heart. Someone who is perfect. Pure. Blameless. Someone who is in pursuit of you day and night, and relentlessly so. Who wants and desires your affections desperately. Someone who knew you well before you were even here, and knit you together Himself. Most of all, someone who loves you more than you are capable of loving Him -- no matter where you are now, no matter where you have been, what you are doing, have done, will do -- Someone who already madly loves you. Today. Right now.

Seems too good to be true... I know. But I know the guy and He's pretty amazing.

Jesus Christ knows exactly what we need, and He never fails us. Is that not good news?

Why is it then that I reach for everything else first? Why is Jesus my plan B?

The reality is that Jesus is scary. The call to love Him is big, and in an untrustworthy world -- where I have never seen ANYTHING that I can say without doubt is perfectly trustworthy -- you want me to trust this supposedly perfect being with... everything?

As I dip my toes into the waters of who Jesus is I am learning more and more everyday that He truly is who He says He is. Amid my pain He is still good. In my brokenness He is near. Despite my rebellion He is gracious, patient, and loving. And it's making me want to give him... everything.

It's not easy to make Jesus your first love and priority. Your true love. The love that all the rest of your life and your love revolves around. It's a battle, because everything else and everyone else in this world is going to be fighting for your affection and your attention.

But let me tell you friends, He is so worth the fight.

I am in a season where I am (finally) learning what it means to truly love the Lord with all that is in me, and allow it to consume me. I've said "I love Jesus" probably a million and a half times in my lifetime, but I'm not really sure I ever meant it. I don't think I've ever known the love of the Lord  (let alone love in general) like I am beginning to know it now -- and I've just started.

There is a love that is going to make your heart skip a beat. A love that makes you melt, and your stomach drop at the sound of your beloved's voice. It is all you can think about and it keeps you up late at night thinking about it. And no matter how long you have together, it is never enough.

I've felt this for a man before and it is wonderful and nerve wracking. But better than that is knowing it for Jesus-- because it's a multitude better, and you don't have to worry about whether He loves you the same way. You don't have to worry if He is thinking about you too, or if He wants you the way you want Him. BECAUSE HE DOES! He loves you and wants you more than you want Him. Always.

I have always sought this in other people, and I have always been let down.

So this time I'm going to seek it in Jesus. I'm going to fight to make Jesus my first love, and that might be hard. It is so tempting to let a man (or woman depending on who is reading this) fill this place and to take Jesus' rightful place in your heart. But I promise you friends, if you are seeking only what the Lord can give in another sinful and broken human, you are going to be terribly let down. I was.

My challenge is this: Let the Lord love you first before you put anyone else in the picture. Spend some time being romanced and deeply loved and known by the Father, the Creator, and the lover of your soul. Belong to a God that loves you, and let Him belong to you. Learn what it means to love, and learn what it means to be loved, perfectly so. We will never be able to truly be loved, or even love ourselves without it. We will expect too much, and love too little. When Jesus is your fulfillment, man's disappointments are so small -- when you have all that you need everything else can be enjoyed, and Jesus is truly all that you need friends.

Where there is a fulfilled person, there is a person who is able to enjoy the richness and beauty in this world.

Make God your first love. Seek it.
He most definitely will be mine.

Porn is Killing Me

When was I first exposed to porn?

I was 6.

Just as innocent as they come, me and a friend were looking for hairspray to play dress up -- and underneath the bathroom cabinet was a stack of her dad's playboys. Out of curiosity we looked. To this day I can still remember those images. They are seared into my brain.

My eyes were opened to the sexuality of our culture when I had just barely come out of being a toddler. Luckily for me that's pretty much where it ended too. I knew even as a little girl that it wasn't the way things were supposed to be. I've avoided porn like the plague ever since. 

Unfortunately even though I don't look at porn, I've never invested into it, I've never struggled with it, and besides that one time I've never really seen it since -- It still effects me everyday.

The 'soft core' version of it is everywhere; movies, billboards, magazines, and even commercials. I saw a trash bag commercial the other day that clearly had sexual innuendos... a trash bag commercial. Are you kidding me?

I was raised in my church understanding and being told that I was valuable. That I had worth. I was told that I am 'fearfully and wonderfully made'. I was told that I was beautiful, and the Lord knit me together in my mother's womb. He foreknew all of my days, and he planned all the good works I would do as His sweet beloved daughter. 

On the average day I believe this. I am confident in who I am. God's words are true, and that resonates deeply in my heart. It makes me sure, and I look in the mirror grateful for my design and my unique beauty. I valuable. I am beautiful. I am loved. I am far from insecure.

However there are also a lot of days I don't believe this. I know a ton of men around me that struggle with pornography. The way I 'should' look is posted everywhere within sight. It make's me feel inadequate. There are days where I don't want to get out of bed because I don't want to have to try to be something I am not. I will never have beautifully browned Brazilian skin. I will always have bumps, scars, and stretch marks. I will never be a size 2, with DD breasts and a hairless body. My face is round, and my eyes are not a sexy-almond shape. That's just the truth.

But according to what everything around me says, and according to many men -- I am not desirable.

It stings to feel undesirable. It also stings to not feel human, but rather as an object of pleasure. It cuts to be dismissed because I am average, or because I'm not outwardly wild. The behavior expectations, the physical expectations, and the lack of value that is place on my soul and my body is killing me.

Porn is not only destroying me, but it's destroying men. Our culture has grown men that are incapable of being faithful -- not with their eyes, their minds, their hearts nor their bodies. They are numb to human emotion and hardened to the value of a human life. Sex has been destroyed for many people. The way I have personally been treated out of the side-effects of porn by men in my life has been deeply wounding. Porn always wins when they have to make a choice.

Porn is addictive and the addiction can spiral out of control quickly. It is a gateway to a whole slew of ugly and damaging sin. It literally rewires your brain for what intimacy means, and destroys how a person connects with the people around them. It's ugly.

The porn industry has only opened the door to an ocean of insatiable sexual appetites. This has resulted in world-wide problems of sex-trafficking, strip clubs, prostitution, brothels and more. The monster's appetite has gotten so large that children as young as the age of 4 are being used in films, pictures, and being sold and bought for their tiny bodies. Women are being kidnapped, raped, abused and sold into sex-trafficking daily.

I think what bothers me most though.. is that this 'business' this 'supply' would not be necessary without a demand. Every time someone clicks that tempting little side bar on their screen that promises them 'sexy dirty women' they are feeding the demand. We are destroying souls.

If that doesn't make you hate porn -- can I continue? 

Most porn stars -- though looking into the camera, making you feel desirable, performing animalistic, dehumanizing,  often times violent acts, acting like they like it -- They're dying inside. They are usually high, or so emotionally and mentally checked out that they don't remember what they are doing the whole time they are filming. Most porn stars are so disgusted by what they are doing that they abuse alcohol, and drugs as a means to escape. Many porn stars die of overdose or suicide. So next time we scour the internet for our pleasure and self-satisfaction -- think about finding the girl you are watching lifeless in her hotel room. Morbid? I don't care. I hate it. She is/was a person too. 

Do you ever think a little girl dreams of growing up and becoming a porn star? I would say no. Most little girls want to be mommies. They want to be doctors, chefs, teachers.. and through some series of unfortunate events -- maybe abuse, maybe being kidnapped, maybe loss -- these women who once wanted to be a mommy, a doctor, a teacher  are now giving their bodies away and putting it on your computer screen.

My heart literally aches for the people that struggle with porn, and for the people who are involved in porn. It's so destructive and is such a large issue and such a deep problem. The struggle is deep, and real.

I hate this -- but ranting about it isn't going to do anything. I could blog all day about the side-effects and damages that porn causes but it's not going to do anything. 

You can't just state a problem without a solution, and this is what I know:

My God is bigger.

He has more power, more strength and more control than this massive, multi-billion dollar industry. 

If He can create the world in 7 days, if He can part the red sea, if He can move mountains, if He can birth a savior from a virgin, if He can destroy the walls of Jericho, if He can save Paul, and David. He sure as hell can conquer porn.

"But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” -- Matthew 19:26

"“Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?"" -- Jeremian 32:27

"Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure." -- Psalm 147:5

God's grace, and love is BIGGER!

I don't care who you are, what you have done, or how often you look at porn. You are still insanely loved by the creator of this planet, The King of the Universe, the savior of this world and you're covered if you just ask.

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" -- Romans 5:8

"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." -- 1 John 4:10

"The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." -- Psalm 103:8

"We love because he first loved us." -- 1 John 4:9

Christ died for you. He died for your screw ups, he died for your shortcomings, he died for your selfishness, your insatiable sexual appetite, your lustful thoughts, your anger, your addictions. HE DIED FOR IT ALL.

God is BIGGER than our addictions.

His word says that Christ is victor. CHRIST WINS GUYS. 

"for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith." -- 1 John 5:4

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." -- 1 John 1:9

"From the LORD comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people. "Selah"" -- Psalm 3:8

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." -- 1 Corinthians 15:57

WE HAVE TO STOP UNDERESTIMATING THE POWER OF OUR GOD.

We have a choice.

We HAVE to choose to stop being a part of the problem. Now that we know the problem -- we have to choose to fight it. Whether you are fighting it internally, or you are willing to take up responsibility physically to fight it. WE NEED TO START TODAY. 

We have to choose life and not death, and through life we are capable and powerful in Christ.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -- Romans 8:31

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” -- Joshua 1:9

"For nothing will be impossible with God.” -- Luke 1:37

As Andy Mineo would say: YOU CAN'T STOP ME!

We need men and women who have conquered their porn addictions to mentor youths that are just now starting playing in the pools of their demise. We need to cut it off before it starts.

We need men and women fighting their own porn and sexual addictions -- taking up Christ and being conquerors.

We need men and women who HATE porn so much that we are willing to fight at any cost to stop it.

We need men and women who are knowledgeable about the porn problem to continue to spread awareness.

We need men and women who are good moms and dads to their kids -- teaching and raising their children to be godly men and women who also hate porn, and value human life.

We need men that are good fathers. NOT showing their sons and daughters porn. NOT leaving their own porn around the house for anyone to see. But Fathers who choose to not look at porn, and teach their sons and daughters to choose the same.

We need women who are good mothers. NOT allowing porn to be in their household. NOT brushing it under the rug. But  Mothers who stand up for their own value, for the value of people everywhere, and teaching their sons and daughters to stand up for the same.

We need men and women who are redeemed. Who are sold out for the cause of Christ and to the healing of our nation making a front line to fight against the injustice and destruction of human life. 

We need men and women -- teachers, doctors, nurses, politicians, pastors, film-makers, photographers, painters, counselors -- to unite under this banner willing to fight it.

We need men and women who know the power of God and His Holy Spirit, and use it.

We need men and women in deep prayer for the filmers, the producers, the stars of porn. 

We need men and women in deep prayer for the pimps, prostitutes, and people involved in sex-trafficking.

We need men and women in deep prayer for each other. So we have the strength to fight. 

We need to stop the demand so we can rescue the supply. 

With God we are capable of putting an end to the porn industry and sex-trafficking.

He's moving. I know it.

The best way we can start fighting this problem is fighting it in your prayers. So friends, let your prayers get loud, let them get big, let them get audacious! Make them prayers that scare Satan and makes him shake where he stands.

This isn't Satan's play ground anymore. This is a battler field. So suit up.

Here are some additional tools and resources I am investing into myself to start off, I hope you join me:

http://www.unearthedpictures.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_TQpIQxojM&feature=youtu.be

http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage/the-porn-path
http://marshill.com/2012/03/05/stats-on-porn
http://marshill.com/2008/09/28/porn-again-christian-a-free-e-book
http://store.theresurgence.com/products/redemption

http://www.love146.org/

http://streetlightusa.org/

P.S. If you have anymore resources/ways to get involved PLEASE let me know. I love you guys and I hope you join me in the fight.

Love Yourself

I'm a fixer.

Naturally I'm drawn to broken things, and I want to make them better.

However being a fixer has sometimes turned me upon myself. I see that I am broken. I need fixing.

While this is at large true -- I've overcompensated this vision into almost a self-hate way too often. In my eyes I am SO broken that I don't see all the places I am whole. I see so much of my weakness that I forget where I am strong.

I am too sinful. I am too broken. I am too weak. I have too much darkness within me. I need to be A, B, and C, before I can ever do ______ (insert anything in life here).

I don't think I'm the only one who does this either.

My tendency is to zone in on the wickedness of the human heart according to Jeremiah 17:9 - "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" I conclude that I am beyond repair, but continue to try to fix the darkest parts of me anyways. I completely dismiss that Christ already died for this very part of me.

At this perspective, the way I've heard it explained has been -- "I am betraying the vision"

I am betraying the vision that God has for me by only seeing the bad. I am beating myself up even though Christ already took the beating. I am so busy looking at myself I forget to look at Him. I am betraying the plan and vision God has for my life because I am so consumed by my faulty steps that I stop walking. I am betraying the vision by only wanting the future "better me", because only then will I be acceptable.

What I wonder is... who am I trying to be acceptable for? Christ already accepted me.

Christ is trying to wash my feet and I am pulling them out of the water because I don't feel worthy. Sometimes I wish I could yell at myself - "WOULD YOU JUST STOP AND SEE WHAT CHRIST IS TRYING TO DO? HE ALREADY LOVES YOU. HE IS TRYING TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING AND TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE." 

Although Jeremiah says our hearts are wicked -- Galatians also says,"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Christ lives within me! I personally do not believe Christ will cozy up and make a home somewhere wicked without transforming it. I believe that once we truly accept Christ, our hearts of stone are replaced with ones of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). I believe that through our walk with Christ our hearts are transformed to desire good things, holy things, to behold light and goodness. Will this home need cleaning still? Probably. Life is naturally going to make a mess, and sometimes we let mess pile up. But if Christ is living there I don't think I can comfortably live with permanent wickedness decorated in His home. I'm sure He's not okay with it either.

I am learning that I am made in God's image (Genesis 1:27), I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139), and that I was designed with weakness AND strength -- so why should I not be confident in how God has created me and called me? Why is it suddenly prideful when I am comfortable with what God has made me to do and where He has made me strong? Paul was! He constantly writes about how God revealed things to him to give to other people. He starts almost every letter with "I was sent by Jesus", and writes in the letters about the wisdom he has because God gave it to him. We don't consider him egotistical and prideful. Don't get me wrong there is a point where flaunting your strengths is prideful, but like everything else in life there is balance.

Humility is literally defined as, "a modest view of one's own importance."

So humility doesn't mean I am not worth anything. It means I know what I look like next to the Lord. It means I know my place. It means I'm not shouting everything I deserve or strutting around with an ego, but instead I am accepting that I am loved by a savior and given good gifts.

In the eyes of the Lord I am important. Important enough to die for. Important enough to be abundantly loved. Now I didn't accomplish this on my own, no, I don't deserve this, but I am still valuable in the Lord's eyes.

I'm convinced Satan is taking God's truth and twisting it so we see the good things within ourselves and we can't believe them to be true.

So you struggle with lust? Cool me too. I also struggle with pride, selfishness, anger, and many other things. By the grace of Jesus He's healing me and we are working through it. However I'm also learning I'm good at things. My strengths are wisdom, encouragement, joy, patience, kindness, and faithfulness. I'm really good at being adaptable. I'm really good at seeing a problem and finding a solution for it. I am smart because I love knowing things and I seek knowledge. I am honest because I don't like pretending. I am creative and I am really good at articulating points, ideas, and how I feel.

I should be excited about that. These are all God given gifts that are useful tools for spreading the gospel and loving other people. I should be able to share that. I should be comfortable and confident in that, because that is how God designed me. These are places he has healed me and grown me. It's a testimony of His goodness.

Yes, as people we are really good at making good things bad, and my strengths can quickly become weaknesses if I let them. The good news is I need Jesus... Daily, hourly, by the minute, by the second -- and I know it. I know that without Jesus these things can quickly go bad, but focusing on that will only get me somewhere I don't want to go.

My friend pointed out something kind of wonderful today. She said, "God's second greatest commandment was to love our neighbor as we love ourselves." -- love ourselves.

I think all of us know this, but we don't understand it. To some it might say -- "well since you think you're so awesome why don't you treat your friend that way" and maybe that is one way to look at it. I also believe one very important thing that God is trying to say is that you need to treat yourself well, and out of this treat your neighbor with the same wellness.

So basically a requirement for loving each other is loving ourselves. We cannot love our neighbor if we don't love ourselves. (Side note, this is not an excuse to please your every fleshly desire out of "treating yourself well", that's a sin.) Treating ourselves well means taking care of ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually so we can be healthy enough to love others.

While I find great health in knowing our weaknesses, our struggles, and where we fall short -- I also find great health in knowing our strengths, things we are good at, and how God has redeemed our natural tendencies for His good. We need to know both otherwise we will drown in one or the other.

So God is teaching me it's okay to love myself, though often times I don't believe it. He is being gentle and patient with me as he takes off Satan's blinders that I'm so comfortable wearing. I fight with Him sometimes, but He waits, and He shows me again. It's a process, but one day I have hope that I'll be comfortable in truth.