Can I brag about my dad for a minute?
No, he's not perfect. In fact he's far from. He has made his mistakes. He has hurt me many times, and has caused pains I've had to take a lot of time to get over. But he's still one of the most amazing men I know.
One thing I have never questioned is my dad's love for me. I've been through seasons where I have been confused about how much, but I have always known he loved me. As an adult I see at those times of doubt he was just doing what he felt was right. My dad has a way with words that literally brings me to tears (in a good way). The way he describes to me his love are the sweetest words I could hear from the most important man in my life. He isn't shy about it either. He boldly states it without hesitation or waver. He is confident in the depth and vastness of his love for his daughter. Knowing a love like that is healing to the heart and the soul. It is warming and secure.
When I talk about how much I love my daddy I cry every single time. It's that great. I literally don't know how my human heart can hold that much love. It overwhelms me. I don't know how I got so lucky.
My dad is an incredible man in so many ways. He is wise and logical. Forgetful and stubborn. He thinks deeply, loves deeply, and works harder than any other man I know. He will listen to me for hours, as if my words are the most precious thing he will hear all day. And talks just about as much. He is passionate and curious. He is wholesome and caring. He is constant and sound, and I know if I ever need him, he'll be there.
My dad also is a constant reminder of who I am and why I do what I do. He is constantly feeding into my identity. He reminds me that I'm smart and capable. He never fails to tell me how beautiful and radiant I am. Sometimes I think he believes I hung the moon and stars -- though we both know it's not true. He's seen all of the ugly sides of me. He knows the mistakes I've made. He has felt my anger and defiance. Yet he still knows the things that are true about me, and still loves me all the more. I'm his princess.
I realize how much I enjoy the things I do because of him. He enjoys the beauty of the outdoors, the warm-hearted sermons of country music, and has a craving to learn new things everyday. He has an impeccable eye for beauty, a love for oceans and water, and he is hands down one of the nerdiest people I know. Yet he is strong, charming, and loyal. These are all things I've been blessed to have rubbed off on me. Even in small ways.
He taught me grace. He taught me patience. He taught me work ethic. He taught me confidence. He taught me peace and loyalty. I know without him I wouldn't know much of these things.
Today as I sat with my dad on this holiday, and enjoyed his presence. I was reminded of the joy in being truly loved.
This reminded me of the heart of our Heavenly Father. If you take away all of the flaws my earthly daddy has, and replace God's name in the paragraphs I wrote above -- these words don't do Him justice. If I am so deeply loved by the wonderful man I just described, I can only be loved more by the wonderful God I serve.
The qualities my dad holds are small in comparison to the wonder of God. He is so much more, and so much better. The realization nearly swept me off my feet.
The image of mine and my father's relationship is only a glimpse into a heavenly love. It is only a touch of what heaven tastes like -- and at this rate I can't wait to know it.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Thursday, December 19, 2013
The Beauty in Ugly Seasons
"He has made everything beautiful in its time." - Ecclesiastes 3:11
I was thinking today about where I am, and where I have been. More often than not do I forget where I have been because I constantly live for tomorrow. I don't know if that makes sense to any of you, but the way my brain works is in handling my agenda today because I want my future to look a certain way.
At times this has helped me and most of the time this has hurt me, because I forget to cherish the days and the hours I am in. "I'm going to be more loving" I'll say, but instead of taking time to just love the people around me I look for books, and articles on being more loving. It doesn't make sense.
However, recently I've been in a really rough season. This season not being one I could think or will my way out of. It's not one that I could just drop the pain of, or read enough books and articles to pass through. If anything those things made it worse. The only thing that has helped me is looking at where I have been, where I am now, and the beauty that has come out of my every season in life.
About two years ago I started bible school. I started with ambition, drive, and a serious hunger for the word. But as time passed those all quickly faded and it turned into a desert season. What I mean is, no matter how hard I sought God, truth, and his word I felt like I came up with sand instead of water. I felt as if God wasn't talking to me. He felt distant. I felt def. I hated this season. I thought it was the most terrible place I could be -- to have no guidance, no reassurance, nothing. I was desperate to hear God's voice, and to feel God's presence. I had no idea what He was doing or why He was withholding Himself.
To me then, this was an ugly season. Now I see the beauty in it. God was asking me for my faith. My perseverance. Would I still worship and praise Him without reward? Today God's voice and presence are tangible to me. Yet it is precious and dear because I know how it feels to be without. It taught me the value of faithfulness through the storm. That was the beauty of my ugly season.
Last year I had just started as a freshman at GCU (Go 'Lopes!) and God was about to rock my world. The season I entered was full of ups and downs. I had the entire foundation of my faith ripped out from beneath my feet. I was finding things in the bible I had never seen before, and not finding things in the bible that I had been told and believed for a majority of my life. It was a season of confusion, doubt, and angst. Fortunately I was able to see the beauty of this season before it ended, but I sure did not like a majority of it. I was desperate for truth. I knew what God was doing but I was insanely uncomfortable.
Today I see even more beauty in this season than before. I came out of it with confidence and much more knowledge and wisdom than I had ever held before. I realized the importance of truth, and now I hold on to it and seek it daily.
Today is Christmas break of my sophomore year in college, and I'm just breaking out of one of the hardest seasons of my entire life. It is a season I have still yet to find the beauty within. The past year has held its series of struggles, starting with losing the home I grew up in. As someone who is highly sentimental this was hard for me. Probably harder than it should have been. After this came the surprise of my parents divorce and struggling with feelings of betrayal, abandonment, loss of family, and a lot of pain. I believed things to look-up as my handsome and charming best friend and I began to date, only soon to realize that we weren't working as well as we thought we would -- the result being deep heartache from the loss of not only my boyfriend but my best friend. The last and final event being the announcement of the loss of our church as it once was. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but it came with a mixture of feelings. Excitement yet sadness, peace yet loss.
I have been completely stripped. I lost all things I saw as the pieces of my life. It resulted in some really ugly surfacing of feelings, and sinfulness I didn't know I had. I haven't always been faithful through it either -- in fact most of the time turning to TV, last minute road trips, sleep, alcohol and even drugs to temporarily ease or numb my pain. I was hopeless. I lost peace. I lost confidence. I felt like I was worthless, lacking of value, and unlovable.
I could tangibly feel the war that was going on within me. I could feel myself giving in to Satan and his lies, but God literally trying to pull me out of the waters I was drowning myself in. I can honestly say I've never been in this much pain before in my life. I lost all desire to live. I began to isolate myself. I told myself no body around me cared (although there was no evidence of that, I was surrounded by loving community). My pride saying I was undeserving of love, so I no longer accepted it. I felt like I was a sole source of everyone's pain, so I shouldn't subject people I love to that and I halted all communication to friends and family. The list goes on.
This I feel is an ugly season.
Fortunately I serve an endlessly gracious God. One that picks me up out of bed in the middle of the night to heal my wounded heart. To remind me of whom I belong to. To dethrone all of the things I made ruler of my heart, and seat Himself there instead. To amaze me, and relieve me within my brokenness. To reveal to me my blessings. To show me my value and worth, and to tell me the work in my heart that is yet to be done. To whisper a clear, "Daughter, don't you know that my love for you is everlasting and infinite?"
I felt as if these things lifted an anvil off of my chest and I could breathe again. My heart felt raw, yet whole and full. It's like scrubbing mud or dirt off of your skin -- it stings, but you finally feel clean. I felt free from the prison and chains that kept me from healing, and my Great Physician could finally begin.
So my season has not yet finished, but I have such a different outlook.
What I have come to realize while I look back is the growth and building God was doing in my life while in these rough seasons. Among the seasons I hated the most, God was doing His biggest and best works inside of me. So instead of numbing my despair I find myself excited for the beauty of what is to come, and truly walking through my pain with Christ. I am grateful for the things that have been taken from me, and the things I have lost. (Not in a way as to pretend I'm okay, but being content in what Christ has given me by his grace and faith alone.) Though it is painful, I know it is worth it. Time will only tell what the fruit of this season will look like, but I can only assume that it will be good.
The credit cannot be taken on my own. The walls I've faced, the dark seasons I've been through, and the storms I've endured I've survived and grown from are greatly due to the community that surrounds me and the people God has so carefully placed in my life. Every single one of my relationships have been an amazing gift. I don't believe that without good mentors, counsel, accountability and the joy of living in transparent community I would be were I am. I have been incredibly blessed with people speaking into my life since I was young, and I continue to be blessed by it. New family, and old family.
We cannot do life on our own, and that is why I believe that God stresses community so much in the bible. As humans we belong to each other and need each other. Not in a way as to replace God, but in a way to magnify His greatness.
I am grateful for my seasons. Good or bad, winter or summer, and no matter what God makes all things beautiful in its time. :)
I was thinking today about where I am, and where I have been. More often than not do I forget where I have been because I constantly live for tomorrow. I don't know if that makes sense to any of you, but the way my brain works is in handling my agenda today because I want my future to look a certain way.
At times this has helped me and most of the time this has hurt me, because I forget to cherish the days and the hours I am in. "I'm going to be more loving" I'll say, but instead of taking time to just love the people around me I look for books, and articles on being more loving. It doesn't make sense.
However, recently I've been in a really rough season. This season not being one I could think or will my way out of. It's not one that I could just drop the pain of, or read enough books and articles to pass through. If anything those things made it worse. The only thing that has helped me is looking at where I have been, where I am now, and the beauty that has come out of my every season in life.
About two years ago I started bible school. I started with ambition, drive, and a serious hunger for the word. But as time passed those all quickly faded and it turned into a desert season. What I mean is, no matter how hard I sought God, truth, and his word I felt like I came up with sand instead of water. I felt as if God wasn't talking to me. He felt distant. I felt def. I hated this season. I thought it was the most terrible place I could be -- to have no guidance, no reassurance, nothing. I was desperate to hear God's voice, and to feel God's presence. I had no idea what He was doing or why He was withholding Himself.
To me then, this was an ugly season. Now I see the beauty in it. God was asking me for my faith. My perseverance. Would I still worship and praise Him without reward? Today God's voice and presence are tangible to me. Yet it is precious and dear because I know how it feels to be without. It taught me the value of faithfulness through the storm. That was the beauty of my ugly season.
Last year I had just started as a freshman at GCU (Go 'Lopes!) and God was about to rock my world. The season I entered was full of ups and downs. I had the entire foundation of my faith ripped out from beneath my feet. I was finding things in the bible I had never seen before, and not finding things in the bible that I had been told and believed for a majority of my life. It was a season of confusion, doubt, and angst. Fortunately I was able to see the beauty of this season before it ended, but I sure did not like a majority of it. I was desperate for truth. I knew what God was doing but I was insanely uncomfortable.
Today I see even more beauty in this season than before. I came out of it with confidence and much more knowledge and wisdom than I had ever held before. I realized the importance of truth, and now I hold on to it and seek it daily.
Today is Christmas break of my sophomore year in college, and I'm just breaking out of one of the hardest seasons of my entire life. It is a season I have still yet to find the beauty within. The past year has held its series of struggles, starting with losing the home I grew up in. As someone who is highly sentimental this was hard for me. Probably harder than it should have been. After this came the surprise of my parents divorce and struggling with feelings of betrayal, abandonment, loss of family, and a lot of pain. I believed things to look-up as my handsome and charming best friend and I began to date, only soon to realize that we weren't working as well as we thought we would -- the result being deep heartache from the loss of not only my boyfriend but my best friend. The last and final event being the announcement of the loss of our church as it once was. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but it came with a mixture of feelings. Excitement yet sadness, peace yet loss.
I have been completely stripped. I lost all things I saw as the pieces of my life. It resulted in some really ugly surfacing of feelings, and sinfulness I didn't know I had. I haven't always been faithful through it either -- in fact most of the time turning to TV, last minute road trips, sleep, alcohol and even drugs to temporarily ease or numb my pain. I was hopeless. I lost peace. I lost confidence. I felt like I was worthless, lacking of value, and unlovable.
I could tangibly feel the war that was going on within me. I could feel myself giving in to Satan and his lies, but God literally trying to pull me out of the waters I was drowning myself in. I can honestly say I've never been in this much pain before in my life. I lost all desire to live. I began to isolate myself. I told myself no body around me cared (although there was no evidence of that, I was surrounded by loving community). My pride saying I was undeserving of love, so I no longer accepted it. I felt like I was a sole source of everyone's pain, so I shouldn't subject people I love to that and I halted all communication to friends and family. The list goes on.
This I feel is an ugly season.
Fortunately I serve an endlessly gracious God. One that picks me up out of bed in the middle of the night to heal my wounded heart. To remind me of whom I belong to. To dethrone all of the things I made ruler of my heart, and seat Himself there instead. To amaze me, and relieve me within my brokenness. To reveal to me my blessings. To show me my value and worth, and to tell me the work in my heart that is yet to be done. To whisper a clear, "Daughter, don't you know that my love for you is everlasting and infinite?"
I felt as if these things lifted an anvil off of my chest and I could breathe again. My heart felt raw, yet whole and full. It's like scrubbing mud or dirt off of your skin -- it stings, but you finally feel clean. I felt free from the prison and chains that kept me from healing, and my Great Physician could finally begin.
So my season has not yet finished, but I have such a different outlook.
What I have come to realize while I look back is the growth and building God was doing in my life while in these rough seasons. Among the seasons I hated the most, God was doing His biggest and best works inside of me. So instead of numbing my despair I find myself excited for the beauty of what is to come, and truly walking through my pain with Christ. I am grateful for the things that have been taken from me, and the things I have lost. (Not in a way as to pretend I'm okay, but being content in what Christ has given me by his grace and faith alone.) Though it is painful, I know it is worth it. Time will only tell what the fruit of this season will look like, but I can only assume that it will be good.
The credit cannot be taken on my own. The walls I've faced, the dark seasons I've been through, and the storms I've endured I've survived and grown from are greatly due to the community that surrounds me and the people God has so carefully placed in my life. Every single one of my relationships have been an amazing gift. I don't believe that without good mentors, counsel, accountability and the joy of living in transparent community I would be were I am. I have been incredibly blessed with people speaking into my life since I was young, and I continue to be blessed by it. New family, and old family.
We cannot do life on our own, and that is why I believe that God stresses community so much in the bible. As humans we belong to each other and need each other. Not in a way as to replace God, but in a way to magnify His greatness.
I am grateful for my seasons. Good or bad, winter or summer, and no matter what God makes all things beautiful in its time. :)
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
What a Single Girl Has to Say About Marriage
I live in 2013. The culture for marriage is looked at one of two ways: the old ball-and-chain, or the ultimate fulfillment and satisfaction of life. Both of which are wrong.
Being a product of divorce(s) my outlook on marriage has not always been bright. Naturally I leaned towards the first outlook for most of my life. Being the only example of marriage at the time, I grew up believing that as soon as you married someone things got hard, and you fought all the time, you no longer loved each other but put up with each other, and overall it became miserable but you were stuck with them until you managed the courage to file for divorce.
That is the sad lesson I learned from both sets of my parents.
Now being slightly older, and blessed beyond compare to have had people walk into my life, mentor me, and speak truth, my perspectives have changed. I can see marriage from a larger scope, and I can see why things never worked out for any of my parents.
First of all I want to say that marriage can be fun! If you are not expecting your significant other to be your ultimate fulfillment and satisfaction.. pressure is off. You get to enjoy each other. When God is instead your fulfillment and satisfaction you cannot be let down, but seeking that in an imperfect, sinful, and broken human being you WILL be let down. I have seen and watched so many couples from 2 years into marriage to 50 years into marriage poke, and play; flirt and laugh because their expectations of each other were not unreal high and unobtainable. They have Christ.
My banner is and always will be: Marry your best friend.
Second you can love each other your whole life... if you know what love means. Love is not simply just the mushy gushy butterflies. It's not the constant thrill and excitement of seeing each other. Those feelings will come and go as the may, and sometimes they may go a lot more than the stay. True love is defined in the bible in 1 Corinthians 13:
Marriage is written all over the bible in a million different places and how it should function. I don't feel the need to reiterate it all, but for reference sake here are a few places to find it -- 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, Hebrews 13, Mark 10, and all of Songs of Soloman.
Overall what I have learned is that marriage really isn't about us. It's about God and is a large vision of his relationship with us. It's a gift from God that relays his love, and desire to know us intimately. It is a gift that stresses the importance and need of community and being transparent and known. It is a gift that is full of sacrifice and struggle yet joy and beauty. It is a gift that is meant to edify and grow us closer to Christ. It is a gift from Him that glorifies Him if we steward it well.
A good Godly marriage is also dangerous. When two people seek Christ first, invest into the mission laid out for us in the bible, and come together with hands willing and able to do the work -- that can be world changing.
Can you imagine whole homes that raise children with love and power? Can you imagine instead of quickly giving up, fighting to keep our marriages strong and healthy? Do you know how much victory that would claim?
It is no wonder why Satan doesn't want healthy marriages happening -- because what God can do through one He can do so much more through two.
But lets get this clear, we can throw the idolatry of marriage itself completely out the window. If you think marriage is the answer to you life problems and empty heart you are going to be terribly let down. Wrapping your identity, worth, and satisfaction up in a person other than Christ will guarantee disappointment, brokenness, and emptiness.
Last I want to stress the importance of preparing for marriage. As a single it is important to seize your singleness and maximize the use of your time here. Being single is a blessing. It is time to find your identity in Christ, align your heart with His, and serve Him generously with your time. Being single is a time where you have an abundance of time to learn and grow wildly. Most of all though, if you desire to be married, being single is an opportune time to become a good spouse before you are a spouse. You are able to work through the muck and mess of your heart without dragging another person through it with you, you are able to instill values and attitudes into your heart before you need to use them, and you are able to know yourself so someone else can know you. Being a good wife/husband starts now.
A wise pastor of mine used to always say "You have to dress for the event you want to attend, so you don't have to waste time getting ready when you get the opportunity to go." Meaning take hold of your current season to make the most out of your next season. I love it.
My hope is that one day I am blessed with this gift even though I don't expect or need it. So, in the mean time I'm going to make sure that if I ever get this gift I'm going to be a good steward of it. That means surrendering ALL of me to Christ, that means making Him Lord and King of my heart so no one else can take His place, that means finding my identity, fulfillment, and satisfaction in Him; it also means reading my bible and letting the word transform me, it means attending marriage conferences even as a single, it means receiving mentor-ship and wisdom from married couples.
Even if I don't end up married I don't see this as a wasted investment. I believe if anything it will also make me a better friend, a better daughter, and a well rounded leader. It doesn't make me pathetic and love sick it makes me wise. So I am going to take everything I can get.
And that's what I have to say about marriage.
Being a product of divorce(s) my outlook on marriage has not always been bright. Naturally I leaned towards the first outlook for most of my life. Being the only example of marriage at the time, I grew up believing that as soon as you married someone things got hard, and you fought all the time, you no longer loved each other but put up with each other, and overall it became miserable but you were stuck with them until you managed the courage to file for divorce.
That is the sad lesson I learned from both sets of my parents.
Now being slightly older, and blessed beyond compare to have had people walk into my life, mentor me, and speak truth, my perspectives have changed. I can see marriage from a larger scope, and I can see why things never worked out for any of my parents.
First of all I want to say that marriage can be fun! If you are not expecting your significant other to be your ultimate fulfillment and satisfaction.. pressure is off. You get to enjoy each other. When God is instead your fulfillment and satisfaction you cannot be let down, but seeking that in an imperfect, sinful, and broken human being you WILL be let down. I have seen and watched so many couples from 2 years into marriage to 50 years into marriage poke, and play; flirt and laugh because their expectations of each other were not unreal high and unobtainable. They have Christ.
My banner is and always will be: Marry your best friend.
Second you can love each other your whole life... if you know what love means. Love is not simply just the mushy gushy butterflies. It's not the constant thrill and excitement of seeing each other. Those feelings will come and go as the may, and sometimes they may go a lot more than the stay. True love is defined in the bible in 1 Corinthians 13:
So if you truly love someone you're not seeking "how do I benefit from this?", but rather seeking the ultimate good of the other. The secret though is that both people have to be in on this otherwise things get messy because someone is solely taking, or solely giving. If that is the case someone is going to get tired. I've even watched people act in a manner where both of them only wanted to take. That quickly turns cold, empty, and bitter. Loving in the confines of marriage means laying it all on the table; it means admitting when you are wrong, apologizing when you screw up, being quick to forgive, sacrificing your time and desires, being gracious, understanding, giving, transparent, and kind for the other person even when it is uncomfortable."Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails."
Marriage is written all over the bible in a million different places and how it should function. I don't feel the need to reiterate it all, but for reference sake here are a few places to find it -- 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, Hebrews 13, Mark 10, and all of Songs of Soloman.
Overall what I have learned is that marriage really isn't about us. It's about God and is a large vision of his relationship with us. It's a gift from God that relays his love, and desire to know us intimately. It is a gift that stresses the importance and need of community and being transparent and known. It is a gift that is full of sacrifice and struggle yet joy and beauty. It is a gift that is meant to edify and grow us closer to Christ. It is a gift from Him that glorifies Him if we steward it well.
A good Godly marriage is also dangerous. When two people seek Christ first, invest into the mission laid out for us in the bible, and come together with hands willing and able to do the work -- that can be world changing.
Can you imagine whole homes that raise children with love and power? Can you imagine instead of quickly giving up, fighting to keep our marriages strong and healthy? Do you know how much victory that would claim?
It is no wonder why Satan doesn't want healthy marriages happening -- because what God can do through one He can do so much more through two.
But lets get this clear, we can throw the idolatry of marriage itself completely out the window. If you think marriage is the answer to you life problems and empty heart you are going to be terribly let down. Wrapping your identity, worth, and satisfaction up in a person other than Christ will guarantee disappointment, brokenness, and emptiness.
Last I want to stress the importance of preparing for marriage. As a single it is important to seize your singleness and maximize the use of your time here. Being single is a blessing. It is time to find your identity in Christ, align your heart with His, and serve Him generously with your time. Being single is a time where you have an abundance of time to learn and grow wildly. Most of all though, if you desire to be married, being single is an opportune time to become a good spouse before you are a spouse. You are able to work through the muck and mess of your heart without dragging another person through it with you, you are able to instill values and attitudes into your heart before you need to use them, and you are able to know yourself so someone else can know you. Being a good wife/husband starts now.
A wise pastor of mine used to always say "You have to dress for the event you want to attend, so you don't have to waste time getting ready when you get the opportunity to go." Meaning take hold of your current season to make the most out of your next season. I love it.
My hope is that one day I am blessed with this gift even though I don't expect or need it. So, in the mean time I'm going to make sure that if I ever get this gift I'm going to be a good steward of it. That means surrendering ALL of me to Christ, that means making Him Lord and King of my heart so no one else can take His place, that means finding my identity, fulfillment, and satisfaction in Him; it also means reading my bible and letting the word transform me, it means attending marriage conferences even as a single, it means receiving mentor-ship and wisdom from married couples.
Even if I don't end up married I don't see this as a wasted investment. I believe if anything it will also make me a better friend, a better daughter, and a well rounded leader. It doesn't make me pathetic and love sick it makes me wise. So I am going to take everything I can get.
And that's what I have to say about marriage.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
The Gravity of Grace
My enemy has me a Prisoner of War
This heart is all too often captive of
selfishness, addiction, lust, pride and divorce
Barred and chained as if no hope remains
This darkness has clouded my brain
Destruction it nears me
This battle I thought I fought so clearly
Victory I thought was my prerogative
So I laid back confident in myself
my work I figured, flawless
I became passive
Failing to count my enemy as able
Forgetting that he is cunning and deceitful
Sly and convincing he snuck his lies into my ears
Tempting
He came so handsomely
Offering me illusions of life and 'what can be'
Easily and quietly I was coaxed
Crossing enemy lines
and before I realize it
I was bound
Finally realizing that I played on enemy grounds
Desperate to get out I felt blind
Groping for answers
Only to sink deeper
Buying into the fiction that I was never to be found
Then truth rushes in
Piercing the dark
Straight to the black of my heart
Softening and melting
Cracking and crumbling
What once was stone
Deconstructing these self preserved walls
Architect of my own tomb
Death be a fool
To think I was not chosen for life before the womb
The beauty of grace seeps deep into my bones
Reminding me of whose heart Christ makes home
Rescuing me from the marketplace
where lies are bought cheap
and condemnation is discrete
I am blood bought
Debt paid
Righteousness and purity
His love is what finds me
of hope he reminds me
Where I once though I could battle on my own
I came up weak
Now Christ's strength is what arms me
Peace be the haven in which this soul finally rests
Yes
Oh salvation
It lavishes me
So I run and fight valiantly
Though fear courses through me
His glory is what moves me
So I no longer sit in passivity
But take up Christ before me
Alert and ready
Wise and discerning
He rescued me once,
and I know He'll do it again
For I am His
Adopted beloved daughter
and He is mine
Loving and mighty father
That is grace's gravity
This heart is all too often captive of
selfishness, addiction, lust, pride and divorce
Barred and chained as if no hope remains
This darkness has clouded my brain
Destruction it nears me
This battle I thought I fought so clearly
Victory I thought was my prerogative
So I laid back confident in myself
my work I figured, flawless
I became passive
Failing to count my enemy as able
Forgetting that he is cunning and deceitful
Sly and convincing he snuck his lies into my ears
Tempting
He came so handsomely
Offering me illusions of life and 'what can be'
Easily and quietly I was coaxed
Crossing enemy lines
and before I realize it
I was bound
Finally realizing that I played on enemy grounds
Desperate to get out I felt blind
Groping for answers
Only to sink deeper
Buying into the fiction that I was never to be found
Then truth rushes in
Piercing the dark
Straight to the black of my heart
Softening and melting
Cracking and crumbling
What once was stone
Deconstructing these self preserved walls
Architect of my own tomb
Death be a fool
To think I was not chosen for life before the womb
The beauty of grace seeps deep into my bones
Reminding me of whose heart Christ makes home
Rescuing me from the marketplace
where lies are bought cheap
and condemnation is discrete
I am blood bought
Debt paid
Righteousness and purity
His love is what finds me
of hope he reminds me
Where I once though I could battle on my own
I came up weak
Now Christ's strength is what arms me
Peace be the haven in which this soul finally rests
Yes
Oh salvation
It lavishes me
So I run and fight valiantly
Though fear courses through me
His glory is what moves me
So I no longer sit in passivity
But take up Christ before me
Alert and ready
Wise and discerning
He rescued me once,
and I know He'll do it again
For I am His
Adopted beloved daughter
and He is mine
Loving and mighty father
That is grace's gravity
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