God is doing some amazing things, and it's been awakening my heart from a long season of slumber.
Tonight in my Redemption Community group we talked about what God's grace means for the way we live. We talked about how grace permeates our lives, and changes everything. It's definitely been at a deep work in my life.
Some days I get in a mindset where I don't see myself growing and I get frustrated. However if I just look back a few months from even today I feel as if I am a completely different person. God has changed my heart in so many ways. My life is a continual testimony of God's life changing grace and love. God's righteousness, holiness, and greatness is just to potent to leave my life unchanged.
For most of my life I have been insanely inward focused; looking solely at myself and fostering a selfish heart. In the past few months, thanks to God's grace, I've slowly seen my heart take it's eyes off of self and fix my eyes on Jesus instead. My eagerness and desire to serve has grown vastly. Where serving the church and the people around me used to be done mostly out of obligation and duty -- I have seen it become so much more. It has become a great joy of mine to not only serve the need, but look for the need. There is no way I could have changed my attitude on my own. I blame God for giving me a deep and aching love for the people around me, both in my church and outside of it.
I have now begun to carry a new confidence. Not so that I may boast in myself, but my eyes have been open to who God is -- and He chose ME. Why? I have no idea. But I can stand firm in the fact that I belong to a divine creator. That He came down for me. I find my value and my worth in Him... so it is unshakeable, because my God is unchanging, everlasting, and infinite. When in the past I may have struggled looking in the mirror, or seeing myself as a desirable or beautiful soul -- now even on my worst days I know to whom I belong. He is my God and I am His person. I've watched as God has taken this head knowledge and turned it into heart knowledge.
I'm learning that God is enough. That no matter what I go through. No matter how little or how much I have. God is enough. No matter what crappy circumstance is thrown my way. He is enough so I don't have to keep seeking such little things to satisfy me or idolize, and I can seat Him properly on the throne of my heart. Learning to worship the Creator, not the created. Not only is He enough, but I'm going to be okay. He works all things for good.
God is developing in me a new found curiosity and love for Him. I have so much to be thankful for.
The best part is the community He has given me, and the love that He has given me for them. I am surrounded by some of the most amazing people. They are genuine, kind, loving, strong, smart, passionate people. My heart is often overwhelmed by the amount of love that God has given me for them. I often times have a hard time holding it together on Sunday mornings, and Wednesday nights when I am completely surrounded by the people I love most. My framily (closer than friends, deeper than family). My heart feels like it could explode, so I just cry about it. Literally. I have no idea where I would be about these people. I have never been so cared for physically, emotionally and spiritually by a body of people like I am now. They live out the bible, and that's my favorite part. Christ's genuine love is apparent at Redemption Alhambra. I love my church. I love Christ's bride.
Looking back, and seeing myself now... I feel like I don't even recognize myself. But I hope more than anything that it's not just the words of my testimony that are changing into something new, and something glorious for God. I hope it shows. May my actions be more so the evidence to my growing testimony of Christ's work in my life.
God is softening up this old stone for a heart, and breaking down some serious walls. He is healing, and He is filling. It's the most beautiful season I have ever been through, and it's the most difficult season to put into words -- thus my babble for the past several paragraphs.
I cannot say I have arrived. I don't ever think I'll be able to say that. I am constantly humbled by it.
There is still massive amounts of work that Christ has to do on my heart, and the process will be endless. My natural sinfulness will always break me, dirty me up, and wound me -- but I am free. It's the beautiful story of grace that covers me. That continually makes me a new creation. That continually puts my flesh to death. It's Christ that lives within me, and I can feel Him so near. Within my very chest.
"His holiness demands that He remain separated from sin, but His compassion implores Him to make a way."
No comments:
Post a Comment