Weighty Realities

I don't know about you, but my heart aches.

This past few weeks God has really been opening my eyes to so much of the brokenness that surrounds me.

I work as a waitress at a local Mexican restaurant here in Arizona, and as a waitress you see a lot of things. You see the sweet things like a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary, a daddy loving on his baby girl and the giggles that spill from the both of them. You see families join hand to pray before digging in to the mounds of Mexican food I just brought them.

You also see a lot of evil within people. The entitlement, selfishness, and bitterness people not only carry with them, but lash out on their waiters with as well. Recently I saw a very apparently abusive man verbally destroy his wife with me standing right there at the table. I saw him angrily lash out at his father in-law, and aggressively drag his little girl out to the car for 'punishment'. I worried about what happened behind closed doors.

I have seen and heard men talking about women as if they were not people, but objects. They laugh and giggle and drool over these pictures of half naked women and are so courageous as to even show me.

A homeless man walked up to me at Wal-Mart the other day asking politely if I could spare some cash because he was jobless, and needed a hotel for the night for him, his wife, and two kids. What jerked me to this broken reality was that the first thought that popped into my mind was, "Does this man really need cash for a hotel? Or is he just looking for his next high?". Deeply convicted by my quick judgement, I offered what little I had on me, and he looked at me with the most heart-checking, soul piercing stare that I will never forget -- words of gratefulness then poured from his lips as tears poured from his eyes.

I drove away crying myself.

I ran across an article today warning people not to flash their lights at cars who don't have their lights on, because it's now a gang initiation to then follow the car that flashed them, and kill the people within the car. So common courtesy and kindness is repaid with a violent death.

It's situations like these that make me feel so small in comparison to the massive amounts of hurt, brokenness and wickedness in this world. I feel helpless.

I am utterly overwhelmed with these fragmented, ugly and broken situations. My heart grieves, and hurts so much for these people and the great depth of the darkness and evil that this world contains. My heart breaks for these realities.

This is not the way it's supposed to be friends.

I wish so greatly that I could treat the brokenness of gang members who feel as if the answer is to kill the innocent. I wish so greatly that I could have offered a place to stay and food to eat for the man and his family who approached me at Wal-Mart. I wish so greatly for the renewal of men's hearts and minds as to see women as beautiful daughters, and brides to be cherished and handled gently. Not to be sexualized and abandoned. I wish so greatly to heal the hurts of the man that cause him to treat his family poorly, and to rescue his wife and children from that kind of harsh treatment. But I can't fix it.

I often times have no idea what to do when confronted with such brokenness. I don't know how to speak to it, and it's not my job to distribute justice. I get so frustrated at the immensity of the darkness that surrounds me, and the fact that I don't know what to do about it.

I don't know how to bring light to these situations, or bring hope to these situations. As a believer in Christ sometimes I feel completely lost as to what to do or say. I have the answer (IT'S JESUS IT REALLY FREAKING IS HIM!), but I know it's not the one a lot of this world wants.

The only thing that gets me through these days where the painful realities of the world I live in overwhelm me, is that it's not always going to be this way. My hope lies in a future of no more pain, no more suffering, and no more tears. My hope is in a place where Jesus is near, and His work of redemption and reconciliation is complete. I long for the day where I no longer have to fear, where I no longer have to grieve for these people, and where God's hand has met all need.

This friction I feel between the redemption of the cross and resurrection of Jesus, and the time that is yet to come of complete renewal of the earth, can be painful and weighty.

Today my heart is heavy because of it.

My hands are so eager to help, but they feel helpless.

I just want to love people, and to love them well.

I can only rely on the promises that God makes in His word. That justice will be seen, that my God is powerful, mighty, and capable of anything, that my God is good and His divine plan is for good, and that this is not the end. There is hope.

I have to rest in these things today otherwise this world would crush me.