Called Out

A few words that describe me are strong-willed, talkative, and opinionated. If you know me at all you might chuckle at those words because of their truth. At times they are good characteristics to have! I settle conflict quickly, I am not caught in awkward silences often, and I stand very firm in my faith. However lately they have been reflections of a sick heart. I've been a overbearing, unable to listen, over-critical of everything, and a real jerk about how I feel things should be.

Needless to say I was not so very aware of this until this past week when God start sneaking little hints in to check my condition. It started with a bible study where we had a discussion on the creation of the world according to Genesis and what that means for us. We have been using the book The True Story of the Whole World: finding your place in the biblical drama- By Craig G. Bartholomew and Michael W. Goheen, as an aid (It's an amazing read if you haven't read it yet).

Our discussion basically ended on looking for God's original goodness in creation. What I had come to notice is that I'm so quick to criticize and correct that I forget to find God's work and the beauty of His plan within the things around me.

Wake up call number two came from the simple act of studying my bible. I've been preparing a bible study into Ephesians and right there in front of my face one passage highlights itself for me:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." -Ephesians 4:29

Guilty as charged. I am pretty mortified knowing what I let escape my lips these days.

Last, but I'm sure not least, and probably not actually last was an article my big brother posted on Facebook. It can be found here: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/modern-worship-music-wars

What the article basically covers is how we have become a culture that wants things the way we want them, and we will even pick apart worship services because they aren't the way we like them. We have come to worship, worship instead of worshiping God.

Also guilty.

My favorite part was this,

"It shouldn't take the perfect circumstances for us to see the beauty, glory and wonder of our great God. If we have tasted the beauty of grace, it should be easy for us to stand in awe, utterly captivated by that incredible, glorious truth that transcends all preferences of all people in all cultures for all time. But we have to get our eyes off of ourselves and onto Him."

Through my search for truth I have developed a very liberal thought process, and what this over-critical attitude is doing for me and to me is not good. It is blinding me from seeing the goodness and beauty within my experiences, is preventing me from loving to the fullest, and has made me hard to be around. What I originally intended to be a solid filter for lies (because no we shouldn't believe what everyone has to say) has become something that blocks me from learning truths. Going about discernment can either be done is wisdom or destruction, and I have been unintentionally leaning towards destruction. I have been so bound and determined to correct everyone that I have not seen my own flaws, pride, and self-righteousness.

When I decide to share what I dislike about every church service it's not edifying to anyone around me, nor is it glorifying to God. In fact it might be taking away from someone else's experience. There is a difference between loving correction and unwholesome talk. One is a biblical truth, and the other is a sin.

By this I humbled.

So, guess what? I'm sinful. That's not news. The good news is that God's grace is sufficient and that I'm already covered because of Christ's sacrifice and resurrection. As Christ continues to make a home within my heart He is going to continually have to clean out the dark spaces, and tear out the damage of sin to rebuild a sturdy and beautiful house. Sometimes this can be a tedious work, sometimes it can take forever, and there may be delays because of bad weather. Sometimes its a painful work, but all the time it is a good work.

My attempts are to send negativity and unhealthy criticism packing and replace it with the gentleness, love, and truth of Christ. This is going to be a process, and I'm bound to fall. The beauty of corporate confession (aka this blog) is that it's going to create an atmosphere of accountability in my life, and Lord knows I need it.